Question: Is it permissible according to Sharia to use violence against a disobedient wife? Is it written in the Quran that a wife can be beaten/struck for making a mistake? Please clarify in the light of the Quran and Hadith!
Answer:
Alhamdulillah:
Due to a lack of understanding and knowledge, some people take undue advantage of Sharia rulings. It is written nowhere in the Quran and Hadith that if a wife is disobedient, one should start beating her like an animal or start abusing her verbally. Rather, on the contrary, the Quran commands the husband to treat his wife with kindness (Ihsan) and adopt a good mode of living with her. Even if the husband is not fond of the wife, or does not love her from his heart, or if love has vanished from his heart for some reason, he should still treat his wife well. This has been described in the Holy Quran in the following manner:
أَعـوذُ بِاللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْـطانِ الرَّجيـم
بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
يٰۤـاَيُّهَا الَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا لَا يَحِلُّ لَـكُمۡ اَنۡ تَرِثُوا النِّسَآءَ كَرۡهًا ؕ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوۡهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُوۡا بِبَعۡضِ مَاۤ اٰتَيۡتُمُوۡهُنَّ اِلَّاۤ اَنۡ يَّاۡتِيۡنَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوۡهُنَّ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ ۚ فَاِنۡ كَرِهۡتُمُوۡهُنَّ فَعَسٰۤى اَنۡ تَكۡرَهُوۡا شَيۡـئًـا وَّيَجۡعَلَ اللّٰهُ فِيۡهِ خَيۡرًا كَثِيۡرًا ۞
Translation:
"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good."
(Surah An-Nisa, Verse 19)
In this verse, Allah Almighty has told men that the wife is a dignified human being like you; she is not your slave girl. The requirement of humanity and human nature is that she should be treated well and her honor and dignity should be considered at all times. Behave well with them; even if you do not like them, treat them kindly. Keep them with you; it is possible that in what you dislike, Allah may place goodness for you.
Similarly, the Holy Quran has also stated that a woman has certain rights over her husband, just as the husband has certain rights over his wife. Mentioning these, the Holy Quran states:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ الَّذِىۡ عَلَيۡهِنَّ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ ۖ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ؕ وَاللّٰهُ عَزِيۡزٌ حَكِيۡمٌ۞
Translation:
"And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 228)
Meaning, just as the husband has rights over the wife, similarly the wife has rights over the husband.
The Companion of the Prophet and Exegete of the Quran, Hazrat Abdullah bin Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him), says: “I adorn myself for my wife just as she adorns herself for me, because Allah Almighty says: (And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable) and I wish to fulfill all the rights my wife has over me because Allah Almighty says: (But the men have a degree over them).”
(Musannaf Ibn Shaybah 4/196)
(Ibn Jarir 2/453)
(Sunan Bayhaqi 7/295)
The above verse indicates that men have slightly more rights over women, and that is because of the spending, accountability, and responsibility upon the husband regarding the wife.
And instead of the husband beating and striking the wife, and creating distress for each other, the Quran says that Allah has placed friendship, love, and mercy between husband and wife so that both may find comfort in one another.
وَمِنۡ اٰيٰتِهٖۤ اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِكُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡكُنُوۡۤا اِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُمۡ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحۡمَةً ؕ اِنَّ فِىۡ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوۡنَ۞
Translation:
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
(Surah Ar-Rum, Verse 21)
Tafseer (Exegesis):
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِهٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا
Meaning: One of the signs indicating the Greatness of Allah Almighty and His Perfect Power is that He created wives for you from among yourselves (not for His own benefit), so that you may go to them and find peace. The meaning of “Sakan ‘Indahu” is to physically go and live with someone, and “Sakan Ilayhi” means to find comfort and peace of heart and soul with someone. This is a great sign of Allah Almighty that our father Hazrat Adam (Peace Be Upon Him), despite living in Paradise where every blessing was present, found peace only when Allah Almighty created his wife and our mother Hawwa (Eve) from his own self. After Adam (PBUH), for the peace of his progeny, men and women were made pairs for each other. And this is also His wisdom that man can find peace with woman and woman with man; that is why Allah Almighty created their mates from among humans themselves. It becomes known that1 all those stories are utter myths that mention marriage and procreation between humans and Jinns. It is also know2n that those monks and yogis who, warring against human nature, sought or seek peace by severing ties with women, are in severe deception, because the result of warring against nature is always defeat. Just as eating during hunger is not an obstacle in the path of connection with Allah Almighty but is a basic necessity of human life, similarly, marriage is not an obstacle in the path of connection with Allah Almighty, but is a source of peace for a human and his basic necessity. The most God-fearing person among the children of Adam, the Messenger of Allah (Peace Be Upon Him), said:
حُبِّبَ إِلَيَّ مِنَ الدُّنْیَا النِّسَاءُ وَالطِّیْبُ وَجُعِلَ قُرَّۃُ عَیْنِيْ فِي الصَّلاَۃِ،
“From this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and the coolness of my eyes has been placed in prayer.”
[Nasa’i, Ashrat-un-Nisa, Bab Hubb-un-Nisa: 3391, Narrated by Anas]
وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّةً
Meaning: Along with peace in the companionship of a woman, Allah Almighty has placed friendship and mercy. There are countless famous stories of romance in the world, and there is noise and commotion about it everywhere, but the true friendship and love that is born between a husband and wife by the Grace of Allah Almighty—people trapped in illicit romance and forbidden love cannot even catch a scent of it.
وَّرَحْمَةً
Along with friendship and love, one of the great signs of Allah’s Power is that mercy and kindness which Allah Almighty has placed between husband and wife, such that they are extremely kind and merciful to each other in health and youth, as well as in old age and sickness. Whereas the romance of lovers and evildoers, no matter how tumultuous, scatters into the wind with the fading of beauty, and instead of mercy for the beloved, the primary motivation in it is to fulfill one’s own lust and pure selfishness.
Not only in the Quran, but also in Hadith, the Noble Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has commanded kindness towards wives.
The Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has advised the husband regarding kindness and honoring his wife; rather, the Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has declared the best person among people to be the one who does good to his family. He said:
«”خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِی
“The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.”
(Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3895)
At one place, the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said: Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor, and I advise you to treat women well because they were created from a rib, and the most curved part of the rib is its upper part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain curved. Therefore, I advise you to deal well with women.
(Sahih Bukhari, Book of Nikah, Hadith No. 5186)
The Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said:
لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ» أَوْ قَالَ: «غَيْرَهُ
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
(Sahih Muslim – Book of Suckling – Chapter on Advice regarding Women, Hadith No. 1469)
Meaning, if a person does not like something about his wife, he should not be angry with her; he will find another habit of hers pleasing. It should not be that upon seeing just one flaw, he starts beating her or abusing her, or becomes repulsed by her; rather, he should maintain good conduct with her.
The Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has commanded the husband to treat the wife with kindness and to overlook if any habit is disliked. In short, the husband is taught to keep the journey of life pleasant by ignoring the wife’s flaws. However, despite all this, if the wife spreads obscenity and vulgarity, and does not care for the husband’s honor and dignity, then in such a case, she can be given a light beating, but it is necessary to adopt a few measures before that as well.
Please observe, Allah Pure says in the Quran:
اَلرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُوۡنَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّٰهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلٰى بَعۡضٍ وَّبِمَاۤ اَنۡفَقُوۡا مِنۡ اَمۡوَالِهِمۡ ؕ فَالصّٰلِحٰتُ قٰنِتٰتٌ حٰفِظٰتٌ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللّٰهُ ؕ وَالّٰتِىۡ تَخَافُوۡنَ نُشُوۡزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوۡهُنَّ وَاهۡجُرُوۡهُنَّ فِى الۡمَضَاجِعِ وَاضۡرِبُوۡهُنَّ ۚ فَاِنۡ اَطَعۡنَكُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُوۡا عَلَيۡهِنَّ سَبِيۡلًا ؕاِنَّ اللّٰهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيۡرًا ۞
Translation:
"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand."
(Surah An-Nisa, Verse 34)
In this verse, Allah the Blessed and Exalted has stated regarding a disobedient and immodest wife that if she does not protect your honor and does not obey you, then first advise her. If she does not act upon the advice, then while living in the same house and the same bed, stay apart from her, so that she may understand. But if she still does not desist from disobedience and immodesty, you may give her a light beating, which does not leave a mark, does not draw blood, or break a bone, etc.
As the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said: “Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have right over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can beat them but not severely (and never hit on the face). And their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner.”
(Sahih Muslim – Book of Hajj – Chapter on the Hajj of the Prophet PBUH)
On the occasion of the Farewell Pilgrimage, after praising and glorifying Allah, the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) advised: “Beware! I advise you to do good to women, for they are like captives under your care and guardianship. You have no power over them other than this, to enjoy their company. Unless they are guilty of open indecency, then separate them from your beds. And beat them lightly. Then if they obey you, do not seek a way to harm them. Know that you have rights over your wives and they have rights over you. Your right over them is that they should not allow anyone whom you dislike to sit on your bedding, nor let such people enter the house. And their right over you is that you treat them well in feeding and clothing them.”
(Sunan Tirmidhi, Chapters on Suckling, Chapter on what has been related regarding a woman over her husband, Hadith No. 1163)
Hasan Basri (may Allah have mercy on him) says that this refers to a beating that does not leave its effect, meaning a mark.
Imam Ata (may Allah have mercy on him) says that I asked Hazrat Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) about the non-severe beating (mentioned in the Hadith), and he said, “Hit with a Miswak (tooth-stick) or similar.”
Hazrat Imam Nawawi (RA) has written in the explanation of the Hadith that there is room to beat the wife or servant (upon committing a grave mistake), but it is superior and better not to beat them.
Mulla Ali Qari Hanafi (RA) has written that despite a major mistake by the wife and servant, it is better not to beat them; however, for the proper upbringing of children upon their disobedience, it is sometimes appropriate to beat them.345678
Sheikh Saleh Al-Munajjid (may Allah preserve him) says that it should be clear that the purpose of this beating is not to inflict pain on the woman or to insult h9er, but the purpose is only to make her 10realize that she is making a mistake re11garding the rights of her husband, and 12her husband has the right to correct her. (13And Alla14h knows best).
From the above-mentioned verse and Ahadith, it is understood that in some unavoidable circumstances, when the wife does not listen to advice and displeasure has no effect on her either, Sharia has permitted light beating for her correction, but laws for this beating have also been stated along with it.
The Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said:
“None of you should beat his wife as a slave is beaten, and then perhaps have intercourse with her at the end of the day.”
(Sahih Bukhari, Book of Nikah, Chapter on what is disliked regarding beating women, Hadith 5204)
At one place, he (Peace Be Upon Him) said that the wife’s right is that when you eat, feed her; when you dress, clothe her; and do not hit the face, do not call her ugly, and do not leave her except within the house.
(Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 2142)
From these sayings of the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him), it is clearly known that generally, it is not permitted to beat wives. Rather, beating the wife over trivial matters or humiliating her is considered a defect in Islam. Yes, if one has to beat, then beat lightly such that it causes no mark or injury, and do not hit on the face. Therefore, it is not permissible for any man under any circumstance to hit a woman on the face; rather, it is a major sin. If a person has hit his wife on the face for any reason, then due to Huquq-ul-Ibad (Rights of Creation), he must ask forgiveness from Allah Almighty only after resolving the matter with his wife.
Hazrat Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) says that the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) never hit anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, except when fighting in the path of Allah (Jihad). And whenever someone harmed him, he never took revenge for it, unless the command of God was violated, then he took revenge for the sake of God.
(Sahih Muslim – Book of Virtues – Chapter on the Prophet’s distance…)
Far from beating, the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) said regarding women riding on camels:
“Do not drive the camels fast (meaning walk slowly), lest the glass vessels break.”
As if he (Peace Be Upon Him) used the metaphor of glass vessels for the softness of women.
(Sahih Bukhari: Hadith No. 6149, 6161)
How can the Sharia that uses the word “glass vessels” for women allow beating and coercing them unduly?
Therefore, from these above-mentioned Quranic verses and Prophetic traditions, this matter becomes clear as day that to spend the days of life with fairness, love, and affection, both husband and wife should perform their respective responsibilities efficiently. Certainly, both husband and wife are equal in humanity and being human, but Islamic Sharia has given man precedence to some extent to run the wheel of life, meaning man has leadership, as is agreed upon by the entire Muslim Ummah in the light of the Quran and Hadith. In short, the relationship between husband and wife is not that of a ruler and subject or king and slave; rather, both have a status and position in their own place. Based on his leadership, it is not permissible for a man to scold or beat his wife over every little thing. The life of the Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) is a role model for us, that in his entire life, he (Peace Be Upon Him) never beat any wife even once. Rather, he (Peace Be Upon Him) repeatedly instructed the Companions to deal with women with gentleness, to encourage them, and to demonstrate patience and tolerance over unpleasant things coming from them.
Yes, if a woman is truly disobedient to the husband and due to her disobedience the system of the house is being disrupted, then the Creator of man and woman has presented its solution in the Holy Quran (Surah An-Nisa 34 & 35) in this way: The husband should first advise his disobedient wife. And (if that does not work) leave her alone in the sleeping chambers, meaning separate her bed. And if correction does not happen even with this, you may beat her lightly. But Islamic Sharia desires that the matter be resolved without beating, which is better. Despite adopting these three measures, if the problem is not solved, Allah Almighty has said that wise people from both sides should sit together and find a solution to the problem. It is better if a solution is found because Islamic Sharia desires the solution to the problem. But sometimes reconciliation between husband and wife becomes difficult, due to which living together becomes a torment for both; in such a case, ending the marital relationship seems appropriate for both parties. The Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) has given the same teachings, as mentioned with evidence in the article. If the disobedience is from the man’s side, meaning the man is not performing his responsibility correctly, then every possible effort will be made to make him perform his responsibility. In such a case, there is room for the woman to take Khula (divorce initiated by wife), but the woman does not have the right to beat her disobedient husband because no teachings of this nature are found in the Quran and Hadith.
(And Allah Almighty knows best what is correct )
Reference: https://alfurqan.info/problems/1242
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