The Islamic Perspective on Family Planning: A Correction to the Honeymoon Stage

The Importance of Having Children in Islam: A Response to the Honeymoon Stage Myth

I came across the following post, which is generally true, but there’s an important point that needs to be corrected. I’ll share the post in paraphrased form and then post the correction after it Insha’Allah. 

The post reads:

“As singles, you must understand that there are three phases you will go through in marriage:

HE HONEYMOON STAGE: No children stage. It is you and your spouse alone. This stage is so exciting. It is like courtship in marriage. You have all the time in the world to do things together, travel together, attend seminars, retreat, date each other over and over again and have lots of fun. You can put the baby on hold, build friendship and set a solid foundation for marriage. I waited almost 2 years before having my first son. It was a beautiful stage of my married life. I never really wanted it to end but of course, you have to move to the next stage:

CHILD BEARING STAGE: There is joy in parenting. There is an ecstasy in knowing you can impregnate your wife and that you as a wife can carry a baby in your womb. That feeling is something I can’t describe. You feel happy, you feel complete. You feel like a real man, you feel like a complete woman. However, childbearing comes with lots of responsibilities and if not handled with wisdom will throw the family into crises. There is also the challenge of active sexual life. You have to wait for her body to heal. The baby’s 24 hours demand may drain her of all the sexual energy she has. She needs more affection and understanding rather than sex. The stage will eventually pass when the child is getting independent so prepare to be loving, understanding and affectionate while the stage lasts before another baby arrives and you repeat the same cycle.

THE EMPTY NEST STAGE: This is the stage the children are all grown and married, you are left alone with your spouse. If you were never friends prior to this stage, your only desire was for sex, children and money, once the sex drive weakens, the children are out and money diminishes, your life will feel empty and useless! It’s the reason some mothers follow their sons into marriage and act like their wives, becoming possessive and destabilizing his marriage because she never really married her husband. She wanted children and never wanted them to leave but when you marry right and build friendship, this stage will be loads and lots of fun. Prepare for the 3 stages, marry your soul mate and your marriage will be saved in sha Allah.” [end quote]

The Correction relates to the honeymoon stage:

Sheikh ibn Baaz Rahimahullah was asked about a husband and wife who agree not to have children and whether this is allowed?

The Shaikh rahimahullaah responded: As long as the woman is able to bear children, this agreement is not permissible; because the Shari’ah requires that people give concern to bearing children and increasing the Ummah. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Marry the child-bearing, loving woman, for I shall outnumber the peoples by way of you on the Day of Resurrection.” In another wording (the Prophet ﷺ said): “outnumber (i.e. the followers of the other) Prophets on the Day of Judgement.” That is because by way of this (i.e. having many children) those who worship Allah among the Muslims will be numerous, the Ummah will be numerous and strong in opposing their enemies.

It is NOT PERMISSIBLE for a man to abandon having children out of fear of either tiredness in seeking a livelihood or due to difficulty, or due to expenditure, or due to a desire to enjoy one’s wife and other than that. It is also not permissible for a woman to do this, rather it is obligated on both of them to pursue the means of having offspring -be eager to seek the means to having children so that the Ummah becomes numerous and to fulfil what the Prophet ﷺ stated.

However, if the woman either suffers a lot of pain due to an illness of the womb or she cannot give birth except by way of surgical operation, then this is an excuse not to have children. If the surgical operation (or caesarean) will harm her –it is feared that something will happen to her- and also if the children are many- being born at close intervals and bringing them up becomes difficult upon her, then there is no hindrance in either taking some pills (or contraception) or some preventative measures for a year or two – the period of breastfeeding- so that she becomes strong enough to nurture the children and able to nurture the other newly born.”