Ruling on Calling a Wife ‘Sister’ in Islam

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The Islamic Ruling on a Husband Calling His Wife 'Sister': A Detailed Guide to Zihar

The Islamic Ruling on a Husband Calling His Wife ‘Sister’: A Detailed Guide to Zihar

A man, in some matter, stroked his wife’s head and said “sister, sister, sister” three times. Will the marriage remain intact or not?

As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

What is Zihar?

Zihar is when a man, in a state of anger and intentionally, compares his wife to a female relative with whom marriage is forbidden (mahram), such as saying, “You are like my mother” or “You are like my sister,” etc. Such a statement by the man constitutes Zihar. Once Zihar is established, it is obligatory for the man to give expiation (Kaffarah) before touching his wife.

Three Types of Zihar

Scholars have mentioned that there are three types of Zihar:

Munjaz (Immediate): An example is when a man says, “You are to me like my mother’s back.”
Mu’allaq (Conditional): An example is when he says, “When Ramadan or Sha’ban begins,” or “when so-and-so person arrives, you will be to me like my mother’s back.”
Mu’aqqat (Temporary): An example is when he says, “You are to me like my mother’s back during the month of Ramadan.” In this case, if the month ends and he does not have marital relations, no expiation is required because he did not violate his statement.

These types of Zihar have been mentioned by Abu Muhammad Muwaffaq al-Din Abdullah bin Qudamah in his book “Al-Mughni,” where he discusses the opinions of scholars on this matter. Other scholars have also described these types.

This is what I know, and Allah knows best.

Fatawa Islamiyah, Vol. 3, p. 332

What is the Expiation (Kaffarah) for Zihar?

There are three ways to perform the expiation for Zihar:

The man must free a slave.
Fast for two consecutive months.
If he does not have the physical ability, he must feed sixty poor people. Each person should be given half a Sa’ of the local staple food, which is approximately one and a half kilograms. Giving cash instead of food is not sufficient.

Allah the Almighty says:

"Those who declare their wives to be unlawful to them by Zihar and then wish to go back on what they have said must free a slave before they touch one another. This is an admonition to you, and Allah is All-Aware of what you do. But whoever cannot afford this must fast for two consecutive months before they touch one another. And whoever is unable to do so must feed sixty needy people. This is so that you may believe in Allah and His Messenger. These are the limits set by Allah, and for the disbelievers is a painful punishment." (Surah Al-Mujadilah, Verses 2-4)

Does Zihar Apply to Women?

Zihar does not apply to women. If a woman declares herself forbidden to her husband like her mahram relatives, it is not considered Zihar. Rather, her declaring herself forbidden to her husband or comparing herself to one of her mahram relatives falls under the ruling of an oath (qasam), but it is not the ruling of Zihar, because Zihar is for men towards their wives.

In the case where a woman makes herself forbidden to her husband by comparing herself to her mahram relatives, she is required to give the expiation for an oath. The expiation is to feed ten needy people at any time of the day or night. The amount of food should be half a Sa’ per person, which is the common food in the city.

Note: According to current standards, half a Sa’ is approximately one and a half kilograms. (Maqalat wa Fatawa Ibn Baz, p. 345)

Allah the Almighty says:

"Allah will not call you to account for what is unintentional in your oaths, but He will call you to account for your deliberate oaths: for its expiation, feed ten needy persons, on a scale of the average of the food with which you feed your own families; or clothe them; or give a slave his freedom. If that is beyond your means, fast for three days. That is the expiation for the oaths you have sworn. But keep to your oaths." (Surah Al-Ma'idah, Verse 89)

The rulings for oaths are the same for men: if a man declares a lawful thing forbidden for himself, he must pay the expiation for an oath, except if he declares his wife forbidden, which is Zihar.

Allah the Almighty says:

"O Prophet! Why do you forbid what Allah has made lawful for you, seeking the approval of your wives? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. Allah has already ordained for you [Muslims] the dissolution of your oaths. And Allah is your protector, and He is 1the Knowing, the Wise." (Surah At-Tahrim, Verses 1-2)

Using Mahram Titles for a Wife Figuratively or Affectionately

If a man calls his wife “O my mother,” “O my sister,” etc., as an example, out of love and affection, or merely for pleasantry and fun, it is permissible without any dislike (karahah).

Sheikh Ibn Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

Is it permissible for a man to say to his wife “O my sister” just out of love, or to say “O my mother” for the same reason?

He replied:

“Yes, it is permissible to say ‘my sister’ or ‘my mother’ or other words that foster love and affection. Although some scholars consider it disliked (makruh) to address one’s wife with such phrases, in reality, there is no reason for dislike, because actions are judged by intentions. And this man did not intend by these phrases that his wife is forbidden to him like his sister, or that she is a mahram like his sister. Rather, he did so to increase love and affection, and anything that is a cause of love between a husband and wife, whether from the husband or the wife, is desirable.”

See: Fatawa Nur ‘ala al-Darb

The Standing Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta’ (Fatawa al-Lajnah al-Daimah) was asked:

Some people say to their wives, “I am your brother, and you are my sister.” What is the ruling on this?

They replied: “When a husband says to his wife, ‘I am your brother and you are my sister,’ or says, ‘You are my mother,’ or ‘like my mother,’ or ‘You are to me like my mother or sister,’ if his intention with these words is only to show honor, respect, kindness, and express love, or if there was no intention at all, and no evidence of Zihar is found, then this will not be Zihar, and no expiation will be required of him.” Fatawa al-Lajnah al-Daimah (20/274)

There are two situations concerning the questioner’s issue:

If such words are said in a state of anger, it will be Zihar.
If such words are said out of love, affection, and for pleasantry without any specific intention, it will not be considered Zihar. However, one should abstain from these words lest they become common on the tongue and are one day used in a state of anger with the intention of Zihar.

Written by: Mrs. Ansari