The Manners of Looking at One’s Fiancé: Islamic Guidelines for Suitors

Understanding the Proper Etiquette for Looking at Your Fiancé in Islam

THE MANNERS OF LOOKING AT ONE’S FIANCÉ

Islamic Law has allowed a suitor to look at his fiancé and has allowed the fiance to do the same with her suitor, in order that each of them may be enlightened in choosing his life partner. This stems from the saying of ALLĀH’S Prophet (ﷺ) as narrated by Muslim quoting Ibn Shu’bah: “Look at her since this may cause permanency between you” i.e. it may implant cordiality and familiarity. However, such looking has certain manners which a suitor must abide by:

1⃣. The suitor should not look except at the face and the hands after he plans to marry her.

2⃣. He may look repeatedly if necessary so that her physical image may be imprinted in his mind.

3⃣. He may talk to her and she may talk to him as he asks for her hand.

4⃣. It is still not permissible to shake hands with the fiancé because she is not yet related to him, before concluding the marriage contract. This is according to what Al-Bukhârî (5288) said quoting ‘Aishah (may ALLĀH be pleased with her) as saying, “The hand of the Prophet (ﷺ) has never touched the hand of a woman during taking the pledge, which was done orally.”

5⃣. They cannot meet except in the presence of a related man of the fiancé’s, according to what Al-Bukharî (1862) and Muslim (1341) quoted the Prophet (ﷺ) as saying, “No man is ever allowed to meet with a woman in seclusion, and no woman is ever allowed to travel except accompanied by a man prohibited to her.”

We must point out the common practice of the suitor and his fiancé meeting each other under the pretext that they have to know each other better, is prohibited in Islam rejects and prohibits this practice because it contradicts the most basic principles of virtue and morality, and the damage it causes to the reputation of the girl more than it does to that of the suitor. This reputation makes people completely refuse to ask for her hand (i.e., in case her suitor does not marry her). Moreover, this sinful mixing does not achieve its purpose because of the pretence which characterizes their behavior towards each other.

{Taken from: Child Education in Islam || Page 190-191}