Engagement in Islam: Rules and Customs New

Understanding Engagement in Islam: Sharia Guidelines and Practices

Engagement is a contract. It is an agreement that a certain boy or girl is arranged to be married to a certain girl or boy. This agreement should be adhered to as long as it does not contradict Sharia (Islamic law) and is not against the interests of those for whom the agreement was made. For example, if after the engagement it is discovered that the girl is much older and the boy is younger, it is not necessary to break this promise; this is incorrect. It is mentioned in a Hadith that if someone takes an oath and then realizes that abstaining from the act he swore against is contrary to Sharia, he should perform the act and give kaffarah (expiation) for the oath. And Allah knows best.

(Note) Making such promises is also forbidden, but people in need make them and then fall into trouble. Muslims should understand that daughters are a trust from God. No one but Allah has the right to dispose of their rights.

(14th October 1938)

Sharafiyah

Firstly, such a promise is irregular and wrong. Then, if there are strong indications that the union of the two parties is not destined, and fulfilling this promise would lead to corruption (fasad), then it is necessary to break it. “And Allah knows the corrupter from the amender.”

(Abu Saeed Sharafuddin Dehlvi)

Fatawa-e-Sana’iya / Volume 2

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Is engagement permissible in Sharia?

If by engagement, it is meant sending a marriage proposal and arranging to marry a woman in the future, then this is permissible. Allah the Almighty says:

﴿وَلاَ جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ النِّسَاء أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ عَلِمَ اللّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَـكِن لاَّ تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرّاً إِلاَّ أَن تَقُولُواْ قَوْلاً مَّعْرُوفاً وَلاَ تَعْزِمُواْ عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّىَ يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّ اللّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُ وَاعْلَمُواْ أَنَّ اللّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ }البقرة235

“There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. Allah knows that you will have them in mind. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying. And do not determine to undertake a marriage contract until the decreed period reaches its end. And know that Allah knows what is within yourselves, so beware of Him. And know that Allah is Forgiving and Forbearing¹.” (Al-Baqarah: 235)

As for the customs and traditions of engagement or celebrating it as a ritual, there is detail to be considered.

Fatwa Committee

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Among the matters of Nikah (marriage) is also the engagement. This is a Hindi word; in Arabic, it is called khitbah, and in Urdu, it means to give a marriage proposal, which occurs before the marriage contract (aqd-e-nikah). The marriage contract is completed by following the Sharia method, meaning there is an offer (ijab) from the girl’s guardian (wali) and acceptance (qabul) from the boy, and this offer and acceptance take place in the presence of two just witnesses.

There is proof of engagement in Islam, and there are several pieces of evidence for it. Consider a few:

The statement of Allah the Almighty:

ولا جناح عليكم فيما عرضتم به من خطبة النساء

(البقرة :235)

Translation: “And there is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women.” (Al-Baqarah: 235)

It is proven from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that he proposed to Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) and was engaged to her. (Bukhari: 4793)

The Prophet (peace be upon him) was engaged to Hafsa (may Allah be pleased with her). (Sahih Bukhari: 4830).

Sharia Ruling:

In light of the aforementioned evidence, engagement is prescribed (mashru’). Therefore, after an engagement, it is not permissible to go back on the promise without any valid reason. However, if a reasonable fault becomes apparent in either party, the engagement can be broken.

Wisdom and Benefits of Engagement:

In daily life, we see that whenever two parties, two institutions, or two departments make an agreement, they meet with each other. The custom of engagement has also existed for centuries, though its form may have varied. Its wisdom is to get to know each other properly. Its great benefit is that it becomes easier for both sides to decide on or refuse the marriage after seeing each other up close.

Permissible Matters of Engagement:

• If one intends to get engaged to someone, they should perform Istikhara (a prayer for guidance), as the Prophet’s saying goes: “When any one of you intends to do a (permissible) matter, he should pray two rak’ahs of non-obligatory prayer and then make the supplication.” (Bukhari: 6382)
• Propose to a religious girl:
  عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ : ( تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ : لِمَالِهَا ، وَلِحَسَبِهَا ، وَلِجَمَالِهَا ، وَلِدِينِهَا ، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ۔ (متفق علیہ)
  Translation: Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty, and for her religion. So, win the religious one, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Agreed upon)
• Marrying a virgin: The Prophet ﷺ said to Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him):
  فهلا بكراً تلا عبها وترعبك (متفق عليه)
  Translation: “Why did you not marry a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you?” (This hadith was narrated by Imam Bukhari, Muslim, and the compilers of Sunan).
• Marrying a fertile woman: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
  تَزَوَّجُوا الوَدُودَ الوَلُودَ ، فَاِنِّی مُکَاثِر بِکُمُ الأُمَمَ۔( أبوداوؤد )
  Translation: “Marry women who are loving and very prolific, for I shall boast of your great numbers before the other nations.” (Abu Dawood)
• Seeing the fiancée: It is Sunnah to see the girl (fiancée) before marriage. As Al-Mughira bin Shu’bah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that he told the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) that he was going to propose to a woman for marriage. He said: “Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create stability (love and a strong relationship) between you.” (Sahih Ibn Majah: 1524)

Un-Islamic Matters of Engagement:

• Proposing over another’s proposal: The Prophet ﷺ said:
  لا یخطب الرجل علی خطبة اخیہ حتی ینکحہ او یترک (رواہ البخاری)
  Translation: “A man should not make a proposal over the proposal of his brother until he (the first one) marries her or leaves her.” (Sahih Bukhari)
• The ring ceremony: During the engagement, the boy and girl exchange rings, which is called a dubla. This is done with the belief that wearing it will bring benefit. This is a concept from the times of ignorance (jahiliyyah), rather it is a weakness of belief and also an imitation of non-Muslims. A gold ring is forbidden (haram) for men.
• Feasts by demand: If a feast is given as hospitality, there is no harm, but it is not permissible to demand a feast. Similarly, the custom of distributing sweets is also not correct.
• Presenting garlands: In some regions, it is a custom to present flower garlands; this is also un-Islamic.
• Gatherings with alcohol and entertainment: Gatherings with alcohol, food, dance, and music are organized in star hotels in the name of engagement, which is completely forbidden (haram).
• Free mixing (Ikhtilat): In the engagement ceremony, women without veils gather with non-mahram (unrelated) men; this is also forbidden in Islam.
• Expensive gifts: On this occasion, expensive gifts are exchanged. It goes so far that if there is no money, loans are taken to perform this custom. This is not only an un-Islamic custom but is also included in extravagance.

Un-Islamic Matters Concerning the Fiancée:

• From an Islamic perspective, it is permissible to see the fiancée’s hands and face, but here, even parts of the body are uncovered. Sometimes the boy does this, and sometimes the women attending the engagement do.
• The boy is given the freedom of seclusion (khalwat) to get to know the other well; this is a forbidden act (haram).
• After the engagement, contact with the girl, talking on the phone, and roaming around with her begins.
• Sometimes, blatant lies have a bad effect on the marriage, and before the wedding, the boy and girl even establish a physical relationship. This is fornication (zina), which Islam has declared forbidden.

A Moment for Reflection:

Some people have made a business out of seeing girls, eating feasts, and receiving gifts in the name of engagement; the marriage proposal is merely an excuse.

The marriage of a daughter from a poor family or one deprived of beauty has become a challenge today. Boys’ families come from thousands of homes to see them, and on one hand, they make them poorer by eating and drinking, and on the other hand, they defame them in society by pointing out various flaws. If this is the meaning of engagement, then Islam does not permit such an engagement.

Fazilat al-Shaykh Maqbool Ahmad Salafi Hafizahullah

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Intercourse before marriage is Zina (fornication):

The custom of engagement that is prevalent among us today is extremely dangerous and comprises multiple evils. The fiancée does not become permissible (halal) merely through engagement; rather, she remains a non-mahram. Therefore, talking to her, meeting her, and all such interactions are impermissible (na-jayiz) and forbidden (haram). Until she is married to him, she remains a non-mahram. If someone has committed this heinous and forbidden act, they should both repent to Allah and try to reform themselves.

Their marriage can still take place; in fact, they should now definitely marry each other because both are equally complicit in this sin. But they must certainly repent to Allah.

Furthermore, it should be remembered that a lawful (halal) act does not become unlawful (haram) due to the occurrence of an unlawful act.

The Prophet Kareem said:

«لا يحرم الحرام الحلال»

“A forbidden act does not make a lawful one forbidden.”

Sunan Ibn Majah » The Book of Marriage » Chapter: A forbidden act does not make a lawful one forbidden.

Fatwa Committee

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The Sharia Status of the Engagement Ring:

The practice of placing a ring on the right hand of the engaged man and the left hand of the fiancée has no basis in Sharia. Therefore, it is best to abandon it, whether the ring is made of silver or any other material. And if it is made of gold, then it is forbidden (haram) for the man because the Messenger of Allah ﷺ forbade men from wearing gold rings.

Fatawa Islamiyah / Volume 3 / Page 147

وَبِاللّٰہِ التَّوْفِیْقُ

وَصَلَّی اللّٰہُ عَلٰی نَبِیَّنَا مُحَمَّدٍ وَآلِہ وَصَحْبِہ وَسَلَّمَ