Understanding the Reality of Women and the Importance of Contentment in Marriage
NO WOMAN IS FAULTLESS, SO BE CONTENT WITH WHAT ALLĀH HAS GIVEN YOU
Women are the strongest in having physical desires. A man might see a woman fully clothed but still think she is prettier than his own wife.
He only thinks about the good parts of a woman, but after he gets married to her, or takes her as a concubine, he continues to ponder upon her faults. He never used to think about those faults in the past, so afterwards becomes bored with this woman, and seeks something different.
Little does he realise that getting a second wife might entail many hardships such as the second wife lacking religion, sound intellect, good management, or love. So he misses out on more things than what he gains.
This is why fornicators commit this crime. They interact with a woman while all of her faults are hidden, and all of her beauties are apparent. They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realise that he can never get everything that he aims for:
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.” {al-Baqarah: 267}
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).” {al-Baqarah: 25}
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
So he must be content with what resides inside in terms of religious values, and adequate from the outside—this way he will live with inner contentment and a sound heart.
Seeking more will cause his heart to become further occupied, and his religiosity less powerful.
{Ibn al-Jawzī’s Captured Thoughts: Chapter 209, page 651-652}
- Editor’s Note: The following text contains translated excerpts from the renowned classical Islamic masterpiece Sayd al-Khatir (Captured Thoughts) by the great scholar Imam Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allah have mercy on him). In classical Islamic literature, scholars often use profound metaphors and draw spiritual parallels (Istishhad) to explain the realities of this world. We have added brief notes to help modern readers understand the depth of his words without taking them out of their classical context.
They enjoy her for that moment, then move on to another one. So a wise man must realise that he can never get everything that he aims for:
“You would not accept it save if you close your eyes and tolerate therein.” {al-Baqarah: 267}
[Editor’s Clarification on 2:267]: In its direct Tafsir (exegesis), this verse addresses giving defective wealth in charity. Here, Imam Ibn al-Jawzi is using a brilliant classical literary device. He is drawing an analogy, comparing the pursuit of absolute perfection in the Dunya (specifically in spouses) to defective charity. His profound point is that the entire world is inherently flawed; you can only find contentment in the things of this world by “closing your eyes” to their natural imperfections.
In fact, the women of this world were not condemned by anything more than the verse:
“They will have pure women therein (Paradise).” {al-Baqarah: 25}
[Editor’s Clarification on 2:25]: The Imam is highlighting that Allah describes the spouses of Jannah primarily by their “purity” (Mutahharah). Classical scholars explain that this means they are entirely free from the physical, emotional, and spiritual imperfections of worldly life. Ibn al-Jawzi is reminding the reader that the Dunya is a place of natural imperfection for both men and women, and that true, flawless perfection is reserved only for Jannah.
A proud person stays away from the sight of dirt, and the idea of bad manners.
[Editor’s Clarification on Translation]: In classical Arabic, words often translated as “dirt” or “filth” (such as Qadhar or Danas) in this context do not refer to women. Rather, they refer to the sin itself—the spiritual filth of the impermissible gaze and the pursuit of the Haram (Zina). Similarly, “bad manners” is a translation of a concept (like Su’ al-Khuluq) which in classical Arabic literature encompasses grave moral corruption and depravity. The scholar is stating that a dignified believer protects their soul by staying far away from the spiritual filth of major sins.
