Understanding the Responsibility of Wives in Nurturing Their Husbands’ Faith
Is it not the duty of a wife to make her husband a prayerful and righteous person?
Answer: Maqbool Ahmad Salafi (Jeddah Dawah Center)
I received a video in which a sister asks a religious scholar, “My husband does not pray, which causes constant arguments at home. What should I do?” In response, the scholar says that she should stay within her limits and that making her husband prayerful is not her job or duty. This response has created confusion among many sisters about whether it is their responsibility to encourage their non-praying husbands to pray and to make them righteous.
Answer: The video contains many good points, but it also includes several statements that are incorrect from a religious perspective. The scholar states that it is not the wife’s job to make her husband prayerful and righteous, and that she should accept what has come to her fate and overlook it. He even suggests that despite the husband’s negligence, indifference, and lack of inclination towards righteousness, she should keep her heart open for him. These statements are certainly not correct in light of Islamic teachings.
The very foundation of marriage is that there should be compatibility (kufu) between the husband and wife, meaning that both should have a level of piety. This is why the Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) commanded to marry a righteous woman. The same applies to women; they should marry righteous men. If a woman happens to marry a man who is irreligious, non-praying, or has bad character, it is her responsibility to guide him towards religion, protect him from irreligion, teach him to pray, and prevent him from bad behavior. This task falls within the wife’s responsibilities. If the husband corrects his irreligion and bad character, that is good; otherwise, the wife has the right to separate from him. It is important to note that while the wife should approach her husband’s reform with gentleness and wisdom, it is entirely incorrect for any scholar to say that it is not the wife’s duty to make her husband prayerful and righteous.
A believing wife can endure many injustices from her husband, but she cannot tolerate his irreligion, immorality, and acts of disbelief and disobedience.
In Abu Dawood, Nasai, Ibn Majah, and Musnad Ahmad, it is narrated that Abu Huraira (رضي الله عنه) said:
رحم الله رجلا قام من الليل فصلى وايقظ امراته، فإن ابت نضح في وجهها الماء، رحم الله امراة قامت من الليل فصلت وايقظت زوجها، فإن ابى نضحت في وجهه الماء (صحيح أبي داود:1308)
Translation: May Allah have mercy on the person who gets up at night to pray and wakes his wife; if she refuses, he should sprinkle water on her face. May Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray and wakes her husband; if he refuses, she should sprinkle water on his face.
Consider this hadith: it speaks about the night prayer (Qiyam al-Layl). If a wife gets up for the night prayer, she should wake her husband, and if he refuses, she is instructed to sprinkle water on him. This indicates that if a husband neglects his obligatory prayers, he is committing a grave sin. In fact, many scholars have declared non-prayers to be disbelievers. In such a case, how can a praying wife tolerate a non-praying husband? How can she leave him to his own devices? This hadith is sufficient to open one’s eyes.
Additionally, I present another hadith. Thawban (رضي الله عنه) said:
فَقَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، أَيَّ الْمَالِ نَتَّخِذُ؟، فَقَالَ: لِيَتَّخِذْ أَحَدُكُمْ قَلْبًا شَاكِرًا، وَلِسَانًا ذَاكِرًا، وَزَوْجَةً مُؤْمِنَةً تُعِينُ أَحَدَكُمْ عَلَى أَمْرِ الْآخِرَةِ (صحيح ابن ماجه:1517)
Translation: Some of your companions said: O Messenger of Allah! What wealth should we acquire? He (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: Let one of you acquire a grateful heart, a remembering tongue, and a believing wife who helps him in matters of the Hereafter.
This hadith states that a wife should be one who assists her husband in matters of the Hereafter. More explicitly, in the words of Tirmidhi, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:
أَفْضَلُهُ لِسَانٌ ذَاكِرٌ، وَقَلْبٌ شَاكِرٌ، وَزَوْجَةٌ مُؤْمِنَةٌ تُعِينُهُ عَلَى إِيمَانِهِ (صحيح الترمذي:3094)
Translation: The best wealth is that a person has a tongue that remembers Allah, a grateful heart, and a believing wife who helps him strengthen his faith.
Here, it is stated that a righteous wife’s quality is to assist her husband in his faith and religion. In fact, it is the responsibility of every believing man and woman to practice their religion and to invite others towards it.
From all the aforementioned hadiths, it is clear, as narrated in Sahih Bukhari, that Ibn Abbas (رضي الله عنهما) reported:
جَاءَتْ امْرَأَةُ ثَابِتِ بْنِ قَيْسِ بْنِ شَمَّاسٍ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَتْ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا أَنْقِمُ عَلَى ثَابِتٍ فِي دِينٍ وَلَا خُلُقٍ إِلَّا أَنِّي أَخَافُ الْكُفْرَ، فَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: فَتَرُدِّينَ عَلَيْهِ حَدِيقَتَهُ؟ فَقَالَتْ: نَعَمْ، فَرَدَّتْ عَلَيْهِ، وَأَمَرَهُ فَفَارَقَهَا (صحیح البخاری:5276)
Translation: The wife of Thabit bin Qais bin Shamas (رضي الله عنه) came to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and said: O Messenger of Allah! I have no complaint against Thabit regarding his religion or character, but I fear falling into disbelief. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) asked her if she could return his garden (which he had given as a dowry). She replied yes, and thus he separated from her by the Prophet’s command.
Consider the words of this woman (a companion), “مَا أَنْقِمُ عَلَى ثَابِتٍ فِي دِينٍ وَلَا خُلُقٍ إِلَّا أَنِّي أَخَافُ الْكُفْرَ.” She states that she has no complaint about Thabit’s religion or character; she is only concerned about falling into disbelief. The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) then allowed for their separation. This clearly indicates that if there is a deficiency in the husband’s religion or character, it is the wife’s responsibility to guide him. If the husband corrects his religion and character, that is good; otherwise, the wife has the right to seek separation.
In summary, in matters of religion, just as the husband is responsible for the wife, the wife is also responsible for the husband. Whoever neglects their responsibility will be accountable to Allah in the Hereafter.
واللہ اعلم بالصواب