Understanding Your Husband: 9 Key Points for Wives
Dear Sister,
It is important for you to know that all men have unique personalities; although, the points mentioned here can be appreciated by them all. A smart wife tries her best to understand her husband mentally and emotionally and also deciphers his physical needs so she can try her best to meet these.
If you accept the following advice and adhere to it; you will appreciate your man’s natural disposition and see your marriage flourish inshaAllah.
1. All men desire R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Point, blank, period. In fact, most men would probably choose their wife’s respect over affection. Being respected makes a man feel masculine which triggers his natural instinct to provide and protect. When you treat your man with respect he will respond by showing you more love and understanding. You will notice he will consider you more, lend you an attentive ear and go out of his way to defend your honour when need be.
2. All men yearn to be appreciated
It’s a man’s natural disposition to provide and protect so when they do; they want to feel appreciated. You will need to figure out how the man in your life likes you to do this. Some prefer words of appreciation and others prefer acts of service. The most obvious way to let your man know you appreciate him is by acknowledging what he does for you whether big or small and simply saying “jazakAllahu khayr.”
This assures him that you see his efforts and he will go out of his way to further impress you.
3. Most men desire a 2nd wife!
This may be a hard pill to swallow but it’s true. Now, your husband may not actually go out and initiate marriage again but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t consider it! Allah created men to desire women, full stop; which is why He allowed them four. But aside from a man’s natural inclination for more than one wife; the benefits of polygamy for the ummah far outweighs this. A wife will do well to accept polygamy as part of Allah’s deen and appreciate the wisdom behind it, rather than secretly hate it in her heart.
4. He can’t stand wanting to wear trousers.
Most men want to feel like men; but they are robbed of their masculinity when their spouse insists on “wearing the trousers”. A man may feel like you are emasculating him if you challenge his authority by answering back or refusing his requests. His manhood will also feel threatened when you insist on undertaking tasks that he wants to take charge of. Trust his decisions and let him lead. This way, he will appreciate your femininity and love you more.
5. He wants to come before the children.
This can be a difficult concept to accept for mothers, especially with young children. However, most men yearn for their needs to be met before you tend to the children. This includes serving him first & responding to his needs. The truth is, the husband and wife relationship is actually more important than that of mother and child. If the parents bond is strong, it sets a firm foundation in the home for the children. After all, when the children grow up and start their own families; it will just be you and your husband. If you haven’t established a loving and solid relationship, what will you be left with?
6. He doesn’t like you out of the house.
Given the choice, a real man would prefer his wife stays at home where she is safe and shielded from the fitan outside. His heart is at peace knowing no other man is watching his wife and she is available indoors when he gets home. The home is the best place for a woman and this is where the barakah lies. If you do need to leave home for a necessity; ensure your priorities at home are met and you have sought your husband’s permission.
7. He hates you on your phone all the time.
For most men, the smartphone is a threat because it robs the wife of her shyness and productivity. A man dislikes that his wife falls short in her daily duties because she’s constantly online or scrolling social media. Your husband may use the phone excessively himself but this does not mean he wishes this for you as his wife.
What state will the household be in if both of you are constantly on the phone? Choose your screen time wisely and strive to see to his and your families needs before reaching for your device.
8. A chatty woman is a turn off
Most men aren’t attracted to overly chatty women. Those who are excessive in speech and always dominate a conversation. A wife that always answers back or challenges her husband’s requests or suggestions is seen as a threat. It shows her inability to listen and perhaps her desire to wear trousers. A man feels respected when he’s listened to. This doesn’t mean you cannot have your say; but minimal and wise speech is best.
9. He wants intimacy everyday
Your husband may not insist on intimacy everyday but given the chance, he would jump at the chance to fulfil his desires everyday. The smart wife understands her husband’s physical needs and strives to meet these for the sake of her Lord. This act is an ibadah and shouldn’t be seen as a chore. When a wife understands the women’s needs in this department are not the same as a man’s, and appreciates how important this is for the husband; this will enhance her marriage.
My dear, if this advice has benefited you; I ask you to make dua for me and my family and share it with other sisters who can benefit.
BarakAllahu feekum
Umm Sufyan
Umm Sufyan