Rights of Spouses in Islam: A Comprehensive Guide

The Rights of Spouses in Islam: A Detailed Explanation

Marriage is a strong bond between a husband and wife, based on mutual love and compassion, and serves to provide each other with comfort. Allah’s command is:

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
(Ar-Rum: 21)
Translation: “And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find rest in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, these are signs for people who give thought.”

Life is meaningless if it lacks peace; Allah, in His mercy, created the wife from the same species as the husband to provide comfort, allowing human beings to make their lives joyful and peaceful through marriage. However, today, love and understanding between spouses are often absent. Many households are filled with unrest, arguments, and hatred, and this is why divorce rates are high in Muslim societies, leading to broken homes. The question arises: if marriage is meant for peace and companionship, why do such negative situations occur?

This question prompted me to write this article, hoping that some homes may be saved, that hatred may transform into love, and that peace and tranquility may return to married life. Allah’s command is:

وَذَكِّرْ فَإِنَّ الذِّكْرَىٰ تَنفَعُ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ
(Adh-Dhariyat: 55)
Translation: “And remind, for indeed, the reminder benefits the believers.”

Those who take marriage lightly and are unaware of its responsibilities are often the ones who easily break this bond in ignorance. There are other reasons, such as misunderstandings, anger, ego, bias, oppression, and compulsion, but ignorance of the rights of spouses and a lack of fear of Allah are major causes of marital ruin.

5 Essential Points

Before discussing the rights of spouses, it will be beneficial to understand five essential points.

1. The First Point: It is essential to purify one’s intention before seeking a marriage proposal. The intention should be to protect chastity, seek tranquility, have righteous children, and collaborate in religious duties. When the intention is good, Allah grants the opportunity for a good relationship, and after marriage, the relationship will last, fulfilling the noble goals of marriage. Imam Bukhari (رحمه الله) begins his book Sahih Bukhari with a hadith about intention, indicating that all actions are based on intention. Marriage is an important act, and a good intention leads to good effects on life, while a bad intention results in negative consequences.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّمَا الأعْمَالُ بِالنِّيَّاتِ وَإِنَّمَا لِكُلِّ امْرِئٍ مَا نَوَى
(Sahih Bukhari: 1)
Translation: “Actions are judged by intentions, and every person will receive what he intended. Whoever’s migration (hijrah) is for worldly gains or for marrying a woman, his migration is for what he migrated for.”

2. The Second Point: Men must understand that the women they marry are bound by strong covenants. Allah’s command is:
   وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا
   (An-Nisa: 21)
   Translation: “And they [the women] have taken from you a firm covenant.”

This refers to the strong pledge made by men to treat their wives well, keeping them in a respectful and caring manner.

3. The Third Point: Marriage brings life into the home and marks the beginning of a new life. The quality of this beginning affects the future. Therefore, the Prophet ﷺ has advised marrying a righteous woman for success. The Prophet ﷺ said:
   تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا، وَلِحَسَبِهَا، وَجَمَالِهَا، وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ
   (Sahih Bukhari: 5090)
   Translation: “A woman is married for four reasons: for her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So marry the one who is religious, and may your hands be dusted (i.e., you will be successful).”

The Prophet ﷺ indicated that worldly people marry for wealth, family status, or beauty, but the believer should prioritize religion. If you marry a religious woman, you will be successful, but if you don’t, you will regret it. The main reason for our downfall today is that we do not make religion the criterion for marriage. This is further emphasized by another hadith:
إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَن تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ إِلَّا تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الْأَرْضِ وَفَسَادٌ عَظِيمٌ
(Sahih Tirmidhi: 1084)
Translation: “When someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes, marry him. If you do not, there will be fitnah (trials) and widespread corruption on the earth.”

Therefore, my brothers, if you want to save your homes, bring peace into your lives, and establish a strong relationship, make religion the basis of your marriage. A religious and virtuous wife is a great treasure. The Prophet ﷺ said:
الدُّنْيَا مَتَاعٌ وَخَيْرُ مَتَاعِ الدُّنْيَا: الْمَرْأَةُ الصَّالِحَةُ
(Sahih Muslim: 3649)
Translation: “The world is but a fleeting enjoyment, and the best of its enjoyment is a righteous wife.”

A righteous wife is the greatest treasure because she values her husband, fulfills his rights, maintains a religious atmosphere in the home, educates the children in faith, and supports her husband in strengthening his religion and faith.

4. The Fourth Point: Allah has made men the guardians of their wives and children, and responsible for the upkeep of the home. This is why men are given a degree of superiority over women, but the rights of both are clearly defined. Allah says:
   وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
   (Al-Baqarah: 228)
   Translation: “And women have rights similar to those against them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.”

Therefore, husbands should not think that Islam has not given wives any rights, or that they can mistreat them, abuse them, or dispose of them as they wish. This is absolutely not the case. Wives have rights just as husbands do.

5. The Fifth Point: The issue of the rights of others is crucial. If any Muslim man or woman violates someone’s rights and dies in that state, Allah will hold them accountable, and the oppressed will receive full justice. The Prophet ﷺ said:
   مُفْلِسُ أُمَّتِي يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ مَنْ أَتَىٰ بِالصَّلَاةِ وَالصَّوْمِ وَالزَّكَاةِ وَلَكِنْ سَبَّ فُلَانًا وَفَسَقَ فُلَانًا وَأَكَلَ مَالَ فُلَانٍ وَسَفَكَ دَمَ فُلَانٍ وَضَرَبَ فُلَانًا فَصَارَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ لِذِينَ ظَلَمَهُ حَتَّىٰ إِذَا فَنِيَتْ حَسَنَاتُهُ قُدَّمَتْ عَلَيْهِ سَيِّئَاتُهُمْ فَصَارَ فِي النَّارِ
   (Sahih Muslim: 6579)
   Translation: “The bankrupt among my nation on the Day of Judgment will be the one who comes with prayers, fasting, and zakat but had insulted someone, falsely accused another, consumed someone else’s wealth, killed another, or struck another. Then his good deeds will be given to those he wronged, and when his good deeds are exhausted, their sins will be placed upon him, and he will be cast into Hell.”

Therefore, both the husband and wife must fulfill each other’s rights and be mindful of Allah’s commands, avoiding any form of oppression.

Now, I will discuss the rights of spouses, categorized into three groups: common rights that both spouses owe to each other, specific rights of the husband, and specific rights of the wife. Due to length constraints, I will mention only the most important rights in these three categories.

Mutual Rights Between Husband and Wife

(1) Cooperation for Obedience to Allah:

The foundation of marriage is based on mutual faith and piety. For the protection of this faith and the practice of religion, the husband and wife should support each other. Allah’s command is:

وَتَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْبِرِّ وَالتَّقْوَىٰ ۖ وَلَا تَعَاوَنُوا عَلَى الْإِثْمِ وَالْعُدْوَانِ ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ ۖ إِنَّ اللَّهَ شَدِيدُ الْعِقَابِ (المائدہ:2)

Translation: “Help one another in righteousness and piety, but do not assist one another in sin and transgression. And fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is severe in penalty.”

This command is general, instructing everyone to help each other in good deeds and not to assist in sin. This applies even more so to the husband and wife, as their union is the foundation of the household, which is a building block for society. Here’s a relevant hadith:

Abu Hurairah (RA) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:

رحم الله رجلا قام من الليل فصلى وايقظ امراته، فإن ابت نضح في وجهها الماء، رحم الله امراة قامت من الليل فصلت وايقظت زوجها، فإن ابى نضحت في وجهه الماء (صحيح أبي داود:1308)

Translation: “May Allah have mercy on the man who gets up at night to pray and wakes up his wife, and if she refuses, he should sprinkle water on her face. May Allah have mercy on the woman who gets up at night to pray and wakes up her husband, and if he refuses, she should sprinkle water on his face.”

This hadith encourages both the husband and wife to help each other in religious matters. When either the husband or the wife is involved in a good deed, they should invite the other to join. Some people mistakenly think that only the husband is responsible for advising his wife in religious matters, but the wife also has this responsibility. Just as the husband is responsible for his wife, the wife is equally responsible for her husband’s religious guidance. If the husband is unfaithful to the faith, it becomes the wife’s religious duty to guide him. If he does not change, the wife may seek separation. Similarly, a husband is responsible for guiding a wife who is not adhering to the faith.

(2) Living with Good Character:

Both the husband and wife have the duty to love each other, support each other, treat each other with kindness, and display softness and compassion. They should overlook each other’s human mistakes (except in religious matters where correction is needed) and act with forgiveness and patience. They should share each other’s joy and sorrow, and work together to maintain a peaceful and pleasant atmosphere in the home. Allah has commanded:

وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ (النساء:19)

Translation: “And live with them in kindness.”

This command is primarily directed to men, as they are the ones who bring their wives into their homes, but it is equally applicable to wives who must live with their husbands with similar kindness.

A husband is the head of the household and responsible for the well-being of his family. If the husband behaves well, it will positively impact the wife, and she, in turn, will follow his example. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ، وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي (صحيح الترمذي:3895)

Translation: “The best among you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family.”

The Prophet (PBUH) also said to Jabir (RA):

فَهَلَّا جَارِيَةً تُلَاعِبُهَا وَتُلَاعِبُكَ وَتُضَاحِكُهَا وَتُضَاحِكُكَ؟ (صحیح البخاری:5367)

Translation: “Why didn’t you marry a young woman who could play with you, laugh with you, and you with her?”

This encourages mutual love, cooperation, kindness, and compassion in the relationship, as reflected in the above hadiths. The following example from the Prophet’s (PBUH) life illustrates the importance of this:

Aisha (RA) narrates that she was traveling with the Prophet (PBUH), and she once raced him and won. Later, when she gained weight, the Prophet raced her again and won. He said, “This win is in place of that win.” (Sunan Abu Dawood: 2578)

This playful interaction between husband and wife is an example of mutual love, compassion, and a happy married life.

If you also want your home to be peaceful and your life to be the best, three key principles must be followed:

• First, the relationship must remain strong and the environment peaceful, requiring unity and cooperation, avoiding disagreements.
• Second, love and affection between the partners are necessary to maintain unity.
• Third, mutual kindness, compassion, and empathy are essential to ensure a lasting relationship, overlooking each other’s faults and focusing only on the positive aspects.

These three principles are essential for the durability of the relationship and the creation of a happy home. These concepts of tranquility (سکون), love (محبت), and mercy (ہمدردی) are mentioned in Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21.

(3) Chastity:

The Prophet (PBUH) commanded young men who were able to marry:

يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنكُم الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ (صحیح البخاری:5066و صحیح مسلم :1400)

Translation: “O young people, whoever among you can afford to marry, let him marry, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s private parts. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will act as a shield for him.”

This highlights that the primary purpose of marriage is the protection of one’s sight and private parts. Therefore, after marriage, both the husband and wife must protect their chastity and satisfy their desires only in lawful ways. A husband and wife can enjoy each other’s company in all ways permitted by Islam, except for the actions prohibited by the religion, such as anal intercourse or sexual relations during menstruation and post-natal bleeding. Both partners should be mindful of each other’s sexual needs and help each other when needed.

The Prophet (PBUH) said:

إذا الرَّجلُ دعا زوجتَهُ لحاجتِهِ فلتأتِهِ ، وإن كانت علَى التَّنُّورِ (صحيح الترمذي:1160)

Translation: “When a husband calls his wife to fulfill his needs, she should come to him, even if she is at the oven.”

The Prophet (PBUH) also said:

إذا دعا الرجلُ امرأتَهُ إلى فراشِهِ فأَبَتْ ، فبات غضبانَ عليها ، لعنتها الملائكةُ حتى تُصبحَ (صحيح البخاري:3237)

Translation: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”

These hadiths emphasize that a wife should fulfill her husband’s needs, but the husband is equally responsible for fulfilling hers. Islam recognizes the goodness in fulfilling marital relations and even rewards this act when done in permissible ways. The Prophet (PBUH) said:

وَفِي بُضْعِ أَحَدِكُمْ صَدَقَةٌ، قَالُوا: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَيَأتِي أَحَدُنَا شَهْوَتَهُ، وَيَكُونُ لَهُ فِيهَا أَجْرٌ؟، قَالَ: أَرَأَيْتُمْ لَوْ وَضَعَهَا فِي حَرَامٍ أَكَانَ عَلَيْهِ فِيهَا وِزْرٌ، فَكَذَلِكَ إِذَا وَضَعَهَا فِي الْحَلَالِ كَانَ لَهُ أَجْرٌ (صحیح مسلم:2329)

Translation: “There is charity in each part of your body. People asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah! Is there reward in satisfying one’s desires?’ The Prophet replied, ‘Why not? If he were to do it in an unlawful way, would it be a sin? Similarly, when done in lawful ways, it is rewarded.'”

Therefore, both spouses should engage in sexual relations in a permissible manner, and they will be rewarded for doing so. They should avoid unnatural and Western practices, keeping their relationship in line with Islamic guidelines. For further details on proper sexual conduct, refer to my blog on “The Method of Intercourse and Its Etiquette and Issues.”  

(4) Protection of Marital Secrets:

Allah Almighty says:
هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ(البقرۃ:187)
Translation: “They are your garment and you are their garment.”
Allah has made each spouse a garment for the other, meaning that just as there is nothing between the body and the garment, similarly, the relationship between husband and wife should be free of any barriers. They are confidants for each other and protect each other’s secrets. Therefore, neither spouse should share intimate matters with anyone, whether related to sexual relations, personal mistakes, natural weaknesses, or private conversations—neither with in-laws nor with parents. Specifically, sharing details of marital intimacy is prohibited. The Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّ مِنْ أَشَرِّ النَّاسِ، عَندَ اللَّهِ مَنْزِلَةً يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الرَّجُلُ يُفْضِي إِلَى امْرَأَتِهِ وَتُفْضِي إِلَيْهِ، ثُمَّ يَنْشُرُ سِرَّهَا(صحیح مسلم:3542)
Translation: “The most evil person in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the one who approaches his wife and she approaches him (i.e., has relations with her), then he spreads her secrets.”
In Sahih Muslim, a chapter is titled: “The prohibition of disclosing a woman’s secrets.”
In today’s world, both husbands and wives not only share their private matters but also exchange intimate photos and videos with each other. In Western culture, couples are commonly referred to as “couples,” while Muslims only refer to a man and woman united through lawful marriage as a couple.
However, due to the spread of immoral content among Western couples, Muslim couples are also influenced and begin to share inappropriate images. Such individuals should fear Allah. Consider this narration:
A gathering of men and women was held, and the Prophet ﷺ first addressed the men, saying: “Is there anyone among you who, after coming to his wife, shuts the door and covers the window, hiding in the protection of Allah?” The people responded affirmatively. Then he ﷺ said, “After that, does he sit among the people and say: ‘I did this and that’?” The people were silent. Afterward, the Prophet ﷺ turned to the women and asked the same. They remained silent, except for a young woman who stood up on her knee, raised her voice, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, men do this, and women do this too.” The Prophet ﷺ replied: “Do you know the example of such a person?” He then explained: “The example is like that of a woman who meets a man in the street and fulfills her desires with him while people are watching.” (Sahih al-Jami: 7037, Irwa’ al-Ghalil: 2011)

Wife’s Rights (Husband’s Responsibilities)

(1) Payment of Mahr (Dowry):

One of the most important rights of a wife is the payment of the agreed mahr by the husband. Allah Almighty says:
وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً(النساء؛4)
Translation: “And give women their dowries as a free gift.”
There is a severe warning for those who benefit from their wives and then abandon them while taking their dowry. Abdullah ibn Umar رضي اللہ عنہما reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
إِنَّ أَعْظَمَ الذُّنُوبِ عندَ اللَّهِ رجلٌ تَزَوَّجَ امرأةً فلمَّا قَضَى حاجَتَهُ مِنْها طَلَّقَها وَذهب بِمَهْرِها(السلسلة الصحيحة:999)
Translation: “The most grievous sin in the sight of Allah is a man who marries a woman, then after fulfilling his desires with her, divorces her and takes her dowry.”
A form of dowry theft is Nikah Shighar (exchange marriage), where a man marries his daughter or sister on the condition that the other party marries his relative, and dowries are exchanged. This form of marriage is forbidden, and if dowries are agreed in such marriages, they remain invalid.
In general, it is better to pay the dowry at the time of marriage. If this is not possible, the husband should pay it as soon as possible to fulfill his obligation, otherwise, he will be accountable on the Day of Judgment.
How much should the dowry be? The Prophet ﷺ used to give his wives five dirhams as dowry.
One dirham weighs approximately 2.975 grams of silver, so five dirhams equal approximately 14.875 grams of silver.
Abdul-Rahman ibn Awf رضي اللہ عنہ gave his wife a piece of gold the size of a date stone as a dowry, which weighed five dirhams, around 14.875 grams (approximately 1.5 tola of gold).
The amount of dowry is not fixed. The man can give any gift, such as land, property, jewelry, or money, based on his capacity and the wife’s satisfaction.

(2) Maintenance (Nafaqah):

The husband is responsible for all basic expenses of his wife, including food, shelter, clothing, and medical care. In Sahih Muslim (2950), during the Hajj al-Wada, the Prophet ﷺ gave various instructions about women’s rights, the most significant being:
فَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ فِي النِّسَاءِ
Translation: “Fear Allah in the matter of women.”
Without piety, a man cannot be trustworthy in his duties towards his wife. The Prophet ﷺ further stated:
وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ
Translation: “And their rights over you include that you provide for them food and clothing in a good and customary manner.”
This is also confirmed in the Quran:
وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ(البقرة:233)
Translation: “And for those who have children, their father must provide for them food and clothing in a reasonable manner.”
The husband is the provider for his wife and children, and thus, he should earn a lawful livelihood and support them. It is not permissible for him to be negligent in earning or withholding their basic needs. The Prophet ﷺ said:
كَفَى بِالْمَرْءِ إِثْمًا أَنْ يَحْبِسَ عَمَّنْ يَمْلِكُ قُوتَهُ(صحیح مسلم:2312)
Translation: “It is enough of a sin for a person to withhold the sustenance of those in his care.”
A husband should not be stingy in spending on his wife, and he should give her what she needs without withholding or being miserly. If the husband fails to provide adequately, the wife may take her rightful share from his property without his permission. Aisha رضي اللہ عنہا reported that Hind bint Utbah رضي اللہ عنہا said:
إِنَّ أَبَا سُفْيَانَ رَجُلٌ شَحِيحٌ، وَلَيْسَ يُعْطِينِي مَا يَكْفِينِي وَوَلَدِي إِلَّا مَا أَخَذْتُ مِنْهُ، وَهُوَ لَا يَعْلَمُ، فَقَالَ: خُذِي مَا يَكْفِيكِ وَوَلَدَكِ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ(صحيح البخاري:5364)
Translation: “Abu Sufyan is a stingy man and he does not give me enough for myself and my children unless I take it from him without his knowledge.” The Prophet ﷺ replied, “You may take what is sufficient for you and your children in a reasonable manner.”

(3) Clothing:

The husband is also responsible for providing his wife with clothing, based on his financial ability. This responsibility is mentioned alongside maintenance.

(4) Housing:

The husband must ensure appropriate housing for his wife. Allah Almighty says:
أَسْكِنُوهُنَّ مِنْ حَيْثُ سَكَنتُم مِّن وُجْدِكُمْ(الطلاق:6)
Translation: “Provide them housing in a manner that is suitable for your means.”
This verse refers to a divorced woman, but it also applies to a wife. The husband must provide her with shelter according to his means.

Issue of Living in Joint Families:

In the subcontinent, where joint family systems are common, the wife may face difficulties living in a house that her husband’s parents have built, due to the interference of other family members. If the wife requests separate accommodation, it becomes the husband’s responsibility to provide for it, based on his means and willingness. The wife has the right to request accommodation, but not necessarily an individual house. The accommodation should be separate, where she can live with dignity, free from any interference from others.

Living Abroad Leaving the Wife:

Sometimes, a husband lives in a foreign country for employment or other reasons, away from his wife. In such cases, a question arises: can a husband live in a foreign country away from his wife while the purpose of marriage is for the couple to be united?

The answer is that if the wife agrees, and both can remain patient while safeguarding their chastity, then the husband can live in another country away from his wife. There is no specific duration for when the husband should return; he can come back after a year or two as needed, without any issue from a religious perspective. However, if the wife does not allow it, the husband cannot go abroad and must either stay with her or take her along. Similarly, if there is a risk of falling into sin while living apart, the husband should stay with the wife, even if she agrees, because the primary purpose of marriage is to safeguard both the eyes and private parts from unlawful acts.

(5) Husband’s Protective Jealousy for His Wife:

The husband should be protective of his wife and safeguard her honor and dignity, just as he is responsible for protecting her physically. It is his duty to ensure no strange men enter his wife’s home, and he should prevent women and others who might cause discord or disrupt the family from doing so.

Sayyidna Uqbah bin Aamir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said

: إِيَّاكُمْ وَالدُّخُولَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ، فَقَالَ رَجُلٌ مِنْ الْأَنْصَارِ: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، أَفَرَأَيْتَ الْحَمْوَ، قَالَ: الْحَمْوُ الْمَوْتُ(صحیح مسلم:5674) Translation: Be cautious of entering where women are. A man from the Ansar said: O Messenger of Allah, what about the brother-in-law? He replied: The brother-in-law is death.

Ibn Wahb said: “I heard from Lays bin Sa’d (may Allah be pleased with him), who used to say: In the hadith where it is mentioned that ‘Hammu’ is death, the term ‘Hammu’ refers to the husband’s relatives and close kin, such as the husband’s brother or his cousin (the relatives from whom it is permissible for a woman to marry; they are all included in the term ‘Hammu’). A woman should observe hijab from them, except for the father, grandfather, or son of the husband, as they are mahrams, and it is not obligatory to observe hijab with them.” (Muslim: 5676)

This hadith shows that a husband should ensure that no one enters his wife’s room except for her mahrams (close male relatives) to maintain her privacy and dignity. In joint families, for example, if the brother-in-law (dewar) frequently visits and jokes with the wife while she does not observe hijab, this is considered sinful. No non-mahram should be in private with the wife, and a husband must be protective of his wife’s dignity in such matters.

For example, look at the jealousy of Sa’d ibn Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him). 

Mughirah, (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that Sa’d bin Ubadah (may Allah be pleased with him) said

 لَوْ رَأَيْتُ رَجُلًا مَعَ امْرَأَتِي لَضَرَبْتُهُ بِالسَّيْفِ غَيْرَ مُصْفَحٍ، فَبَلَغَ ذَلِكَ النَّبِيَّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، فَقَالَ: أَتَعْجَبُونَ مِنْ غَيْرَةِ سَعْدٍ، لَأَنَا أَغْيَرُ مِنْهُ، وَاللَّهُ أَغْيَرُ مِنِّي(صحیح البخاری:6846) 

Translation: If I saw a man with my wife, I would strike him with the sword. When this reached the Prophet (PBUH), he said: Are you amazed at Sa’d’s jealousy? I am more jealous than him, and Allah is more jealous than me.

This is the type of protective jealousy a man should have for his wife, as lack of jealousy (called “diouth” in Arabic) is a grave moral flaw and leads to severe consequences.

Abdullah bin Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

:ثلاثةٌ قد حرَّم اللهُ عليهم الجنةَ

 : مُدمنُ الخمرِ ، و العاقُّ ، و الدَّيُّوثُ الذي يُقِرُّ في أهلِه الخُبْثَ(صحيح الجامع:3052) 

Translation: There are three types of people upon whom Allah has forbidden paradise: the habitual drunkard, the one who is disobedient to his parents, and the diouth (one who allows indecency in his family).

A diouth is a man who allows immorality in his household, such as permitting his wife or daughters to dress immodestly, socialize with strange men, or engage in illicit acts. A true Muslim man must avoid such behavior and protect his family’s dignity.

Thus, both men and women must be protective and vigilant, preventing indecency and immorality in their homes. If a woman sees an immoral act taking place in her home, she should inform her husband and maintain proper hijab outside to avoid fitna.

(6) Establishing Justice Among Multiple Wives:

Islam allows men to marry more than one wife, but this is conditional upon justice. Allah says:

فَانكِحُوا مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَاثَ وَرُبَاعَ ۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً(النساء؛4) Translation: Marry those who are good for you from among women, two, three, or four, but if you fear you will not be just, then marry only one.

Justice between wives means that the husband must provide equal love, support, shelter, and care. He should not show favoritism, nor should there be any disparity in how he treats them.

(7) Granting Khula (Divorce at the Wife’s Request):

Sometimes, due to differences or difficulties, a wife may want to separate from her husband. In such cases, a husband has the right to grant a divorce, while the wife may request Khula to be separated. If the wife requests Khula, the husband should consider her reasons and grant it if justified.

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his mother) narrated that the wife of Thabit bin Qais bin Shammas (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said

: يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، مَا أَنْقِمُ عَلَى ثَابِتٍ فِي دِينٍ وَلَا خُلُقٍ إِلَّا أَنِّي أَخَافُ الْكُفْرَ(صحیح البخاری:5276) 

Translation: O Messenger of Allah, I do not complain about Thabit’s religion or manners, but I fear that I might fall into ingratitude (towards him). The Prophet (PBUH) then asked her if she could return the garden (which was given as dowry), and she said yes. So, the Prophet (PBUH) instructed Thabit to give her Khula and release her.

(8) Fulfilling the Conditions of Marriage:

The marriage contract is an agreement between the husband and wife that includes mutual rights and obligations. One key condition is the dowry, which is the price paid to make the marriage lawful. Any other conditions agreed upon during the marriage, such as providing a separate house or adhering to religious practices, must be fulfilled.

Uqbah bin Amir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said.

: أَحَقُّ الشُّرُوطِ أَنْ تُوفُوا بِهِ مَا اسْتَحْلَلْتُمْ بِهِ الْفُرُوجَ(صحيح البخاري:2721) 

Translation: The most deserving conditions to be fulfilled are those by which you made lawful the private parts.

It is crucial for both parties to honor the terms of the marriage contract, ensuring that all conditions agreed upon are met, provided they are within the limits of what is lawful.

The Rights of the Husband (Wife’s Responsibility)

(1) Obedience to the Husband in Good Deeds:

Here is a rule that should be understood well: the Prophet ﷺ said: الطَّاعَةُ فِي الْمَعْرُوفِ (صحيح البخاري:4340)
Translation: Obedience is only required in good deeds.
Considering this Hadith, it should be clearly understood that a wife should obey her husband only in what is permissible and related to goodness. However, if the husband’s command is unlawful, she should not obey, whether it is related to food and drink, clothing, intimacy, financial matters, or worship and religious commands. The wife’s responsibility is to obey her husband in good matters and to reject harmful ones.

When the husband calls his wife to the bed, she should immediately respond and fulfill his need. The Prophet ﷺ said:
إذا الرَّجلُ دعا زوجتَهُ لحاجتِهِ فلتأتِهِ ، وإن كانت علَى التَّنُّورِ (صحيح الترمذي:1160)
Translation: When a husband calls his wife for his need, she should come, even if she is at the oven.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
إذا دعا الرجلُ امرأتَهُ إلى فراشِهِ فأَبَتْ ، فبات غضبانَ عليها ، لعنتها الملائكةُ حتى تُصبحَ (صحيح البخاري:3237)
Translation: When a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and the husband spends the night angry at her, the angels will curse her until the morning.

If the husband is at home and forbids her from fasting voluntarily, she should stop; if he forbids her from going out without permission, she should stay; if he forbids her from being uncovered, she should obey; if he forbids her from talking to non-mahram men, she should comply. In such cases, the wife should follow the husband’s commands. Here, I want to share an important and famous Hadith with women that should be remembered and implemented in life. InshaAllah, both this worldly life and the Hereafter will be better as a result.

Said Anas ibn Malik رضي الله عنه reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
إذا صلَّتِ المرأةُ خَمْسَها ، و صامَت شهرَها ، و حَفِظَت فرْجَها ، وأطاعَت زَوجَها ، دخَلتِ الجنَّةَ (صحيح الجامع:661)
Translation: When a woman performs her five daily prayers, fasts during the month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: “Enter Paradise through whichever gate you wish.”

Every wife should hold on to these four things mentioned in this Hadith.

The Issue of Wife’s Disobedience:

If a wife disobeys occasionally, the husband should overlook it, but if she continuously disobeys and insists on it, many times, the husband reacts emotionally and divorces her immediately. This is completely wrong. Islam has provided a long process for reconciliation. First, this process should be followed, and only when reconciliation is no longer possible, then separation should be considered. What is the process of reform between husband and wife? Allah says:
وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَا إِن يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا (النساء:34، 35)
Translation: And those from whom you fear disobedience, advise them, and forsake them in bed, and strike them. But if they return to obedience, seek not against them any means. Indeed, Allah is Exalted and Grand. And if you fear a breach between them, send an arbitrator from his family and an arbitrator from her family. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will bring about agreement between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and Acquainted.

In these two verses of Surah An-Nisa, Allah commands the husband that if the wife disobeys and becomes rebellious, the first step is to advise her. This is the first stage. Advising is not done in anger, nor is scolding or reprimanding considered advice. Advising means presenting the commands of Allah and His Messenger with kindness and in a gentle tone, calling the wife to obedience and respect.

Second Stage of Reform: If the wife does not respond to advice and continues to disobey, the husband should, for a reasonable period, continue advising and making efforts to reconcile with her. If she persists in disobedience, then in the second stage, he should forsake her bed, showing mild discontent, not to hurt or expel her, but for the sake of reform.

Third Stage: If the wife still does not improve despite the previous two steps, the husband may attempt mild physical correction. By “mild,” it is meant that there should be no harm done — no injury, bleeding, broken bones, or lasting damage. This step is intended to help reform, not to harm.

These are the three stages of domestic reform to rectify a wife’s disobedience. If none of these steps work, then the fourth option of reform is to bring in family members from both sides to act as mediators. If both parties are sincere in their intention for reconciliation, Allah will facilitate their union. If, after all efforts, reconciliation is impossible, the husband and wife may agree to separation.

In any case, the relationship between husband and wife is related to the rights of others. Just as the wife must avoid disobeying the husband, the husband must avoid excessiveness and injustice toward the wife.
Said Abu Huraira رضي الله عنه reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
لَتُؤَدُّنَّ الْحُقُوقَ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ حتَّى يُقَادَ لِلشَّاةِ الْجَلْحَاءِ مِنَ الشَّاةِ الْقَرْنَاءِ (صحيح مسلم:6580)
Translation: You will certainly be made to fulfill the rights of those who are entitled to them on the Day of Judgment, even to the point where the hornless sheep will take its revenge from the horned sheep.

(2) Living in the Husband’s House:

After marriage, a woman’s home becomes her husband’s home, and she is to reside there, not stepping outside the house without her husband’s permission. Allah has commanded:
وَقَرْنَ فِي بُيُوتِكُنَّ وَلَا تَبَرَّجْنَ تَبَرُّجَ الْجَاهِلِيَّةِ الْأُولَىٰ (الاحزاب:33)
Translation: “And stay in your homes and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance.”

A woman is the mistress of the house; her role is to stay at home and manage household affairs. External tasks, such as earning a living, providing necessary items for the house, and managing the house, are considered the husband’s responsibilities, which is why men are referred to as the “guardians” over women. Therefore, a woman’s primary role is to remain at home and fulfill her domestic duties. However, when necessary and with her husband’s permission, she may leave the house. When a Muslim woman leaves the house, she should do so in accordance with Sharia, maintaining full hijab.

Consider the following statement of the Prophet ﷺ:
Abdullah bin Masood (RA) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
الْمَرْأَةُ عَوْرَةٌ فَإِذَا خَرَجَتِ اسْتَشْرَفَهَا الشَّيْطَانُ (صحيح الترمذی:1173)
Translation: “A woman is a (complete) covering, and when she goes out, Satan looks at her.”

Thus, there is a temptation of satanic mischief when a woman steps outside, so the more she stays inside, the better it is for her. It is also the duty of the husband to provide for his wife’s needs so that she does not have to leave the house unnecessarily. Imam Dhahabi wrote that Fatimah bint Attar al-Baghdadiya left her house only three times in her life: once when she got married, once for Hajj, and once when she passed away. (Tareekh al-Islam by Dhahabi)

(3) Adorning Oneself for the Husband:

One of the important responsibilities of a wife is to adorn herself for her husband. Allah has placed in women the charm to win their husbands’ hearts through their appearance, demeanor, and sweet speech. A woman who beautifies herself for her husband, who always appears with elegance and smiles in front of him, will never cause him to lose affection for her. Nowadays, many women adorn themselves when going out or for others, but when they are with their husbands, they wear old, worn clothes, appear disheartened, and present themselves poorly. Over time, this causes a husband to lose attraction and affection. A woman should always strive to remain beautiful and attractive for her husband, so he finds peace and benefit in her presence.

Abu Huraira (RA) narrated that the Prophet ﷺ said:
خيرُ النِّساءِ التي تَسُرُّهُ إذا نَظَرَ ، و تُطِيعُهُ إذا أمَرَ ، لا تُخالِفُهُ في نَفسِها و لا مالِها بِما يَكرَهُ (صحيح الجامع:3298)
Translation: “The best of women is the one who pleases her husband when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and does not oppose him in herself or her wealth in what he dislikes.”

How can a husband be happy when his wife appears with a frown or in a messy state? Therefore, a wife must remain beautiful and well-presented for her husband. When the Prophet ﷺ was returning from a battle, he said:
أَمْهِلُوا حَتَّى تَدْخُلُوا لَيْلًا أَيْ عِشَاءً لِكَيْ تَمْتَشِطَ الشَّعِثَةُ وَتسْتَحِدَّ الْمُغِيبَةُ (صحیح البخاری:5079)
Translation: “Wait until it is nightfall before entering, so that the disheveled ones can comb their hair, and those whose husbands are absent can tidy their hair.”

A wife is required to adorn herself for her husband, and the husband too must do the same for his wife, wearing fine clothes, using perfumes, and ensuring cleanliness. Many women complain about their husbands being untidy. If a husband remains unkempt, the wife may lose affection for him. Therefore, a husband should also pay attention to his appearance and hygiene.

(4) Gratitude to the Husband:

A husband is a great benefactor to his wife, fulfilling her needs and being her companion through both happiness and hardship. Therefore, a wife should always be grateful to her husband.

In the Musnad of al-Tabarani, it is reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
Aisha! When Allah gathers His creation on the Day of Judgment, He will say to one of His servants who has been shown kindness, “Did you thank your benefactor?” The person will reply, “O my Lord, I thanked You, thinking it was from You.” Allah will say: “You did not thank Me when you did not thank the one through whom I bestowed My grace upon you.”

In another narration, Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said:
لا يَشْكُرُ اللهَ مَن لا يَشْكُرُ الناسَ (صحيح أبي داود:4811)
Translation: “He who does not thank people, does not thank Allah.”

A wife should be grateful to her husband for all the kindness he shows her. Often, women are ungrateful, and this may lead to disgrace in this world and a terrible outcome in the Hereafter. The following hadith highlights the seriousness of ingratitude:

Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (RA) narrates that the Prophet ﷺ said to the women on Eid al-Adha or Eid al-Fitr:
يا معشر النساء تصدقن، فإني رأيتكن أكثر أهل النار . فقُلْن : وبم ذلك يا رسولَ اللهِ ؟ قال تكثرن اللعن، وتكفرن العشير (صحيح البخاري:1462)
Translation: “O women, give charity, for I have been shown that you are the majority of the people of Hell.” They asked, “Why, O Messenger of Allah?” He replied, “You curse excessively, and you are ungrateful to your husbands.”

(5) Serving the Husband:

Is it obligatory for a wife to serve her husband? The correct view is that it is obligatory for a wife to serve her husband in a known and appropriate manner. This includes preparing meals, cleaning, making the bed, cleaning the house, and taking care of the husband’s children. In the time of the Prophet ﷺ, women performed household tasks, such as Fatimah (RA) grinding wheat, baking bread, and managing the house. The wives of the Prophet ﷺ themselves would cook and serve food to him.

In the incident of the slander against Aisha (RA), when the Prophet ﷺ asked Barira (RA) about her, she replied:
مَا رَأَيْتُ أَمْرًا أَكْثَرَ مِنْ أَنَّهَا جَارِيَةٌ حَدِيثَةُ السِّنِّ تَنَامُ عَنْ عَجِينِ أَهْلِهَا، فَتَأْتِي الدَّاجِنُ، فَتَأْكُلُهُ (صحيح البخاری:7369)
Translation: “I saw nothing more than her being a young girl who would fall asleep without attending to the dough, and the neighbor’s goat would come and eat it.”

Similarly, in Sahih Muslim (668), Aisha (RA) narrated that she would clean the Prophet’s ﷺ clothes. This shows that women, like Aisha (RA), would serve their husbands and perform household duties.

(6) Protecting the Husband’s Wealth:

A wife has ownership of her personal wealth, such as money or jewelry, and can use it as she wishes. However, the wealth her husband earns belongs to him, and it is the wife’s responsibility to protect it. She may not use this wealth without her husband’s consent.

Abu Umama (RA) narrated that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet ﷺ said:
لا تنفقُ امرأةٌ شيئًا من بيتِ زوجِها إلَّا بإذنِ زوجِها قيلَ يا رسولَ اللَّهِ ولا الطَّعامُ قالَ ذاكَ أفضلُ أموالِنا (صحيح الترمذي:670)
Translation: “A woman should not spend anything from her husband’s house without his permission.” When people asked, “Not even food?” the Prophet ﷺ said: “Yes, even food, for that is the best of our wealth.”

This hadith shows that a woman cannot give anything from her husband’s possessions without his permission. However, if the husband has already permitted the wife to give away food or charity, then it is acceptable. If the husband is miserly, the wife may take what she needs without his permission.

(7) If the Husband Passes Away, the Wife Must Observe a Four-Month and Ten-Day Mourning Period:

Allah has given a high status to the husband, and a righteous wife honors his greatness and always deals with him with respect and dignity. One of the rights of the husband over his wife is that if the husband passes away during her lifetime, she must observe a mourning period (iddah) of four months and ten days (130 days) at her husband’s house and mourn for him. This is the command of Allah, and a woman who opposes this will be sinful.

Allah’s command is: وَالَّذِينَ يُتَوَفَّوْنَ مِنكُمْ وَيَذَرُونَ أَزْوَاجًا يَتَرَبَّصْنَ بِأَنفُسِهِنَّ أَرْبَعَةَ أَشْهُرٍ وَعَشْرًا (البقرة: 234) Translation: And those of you who die and leave wives behind, they (the wives) shall wait for four months and ten days.

And the saying of the Prophet ﷺ is: لا يحلُّ لامرأةٍ تؤمنُ باللهِ واليومِ الآخرِ أنْ تحدَّ على ميِّتٍ فوقَ ثلاثِ ليالٍ ، إلَّا على زوجٍ أربعةَ أشهُرٍ وعشرًا (صحيح البخاري:5334) Translation: It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn over the deceased for more than three days, except for her husband, for whom she mourns for four months and ten days.

Mourning means refraining from adornment and avoiding matters related to marriage. The iddah (waiting period) must be spent at the husband’s house, and during this period, the woman should not leave the house unless absolutely necessary. During mourning, she should avoid wearing adornments such as flashy clothes, jewelry, earrings, bracelets, rings, anklets, and similar items.

There is a misconception in society that when a husband dies, the marriage is annulled, and thus the wife cannot look at her husband’s face. This is incorrect and has no basis in Islam. Upon the husband’s death, the wife may look at his face, and she may wash his body if she wishes. She will inherit from his estate, and if both the husband and wife enter Jannah in the Hereafter, they will be reunited there. For a more detailed understanding of the rulings related to widows, please refer “Rulings and Issues for Widows”