Be the Best to Your Wife: An Islamic Guide to Exemplary Character in Marriage
Islam places immense importance on good character and exemplary treatment of others, especially towards one’s spouse. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ), who was sent as a mercy to mankind, emphasized this principle in many of his sayings. Among them is the profound hadith narrated by Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه):
“The most complete of the Believers in their Eemaan are those who have the best manners, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.”
(Collected by Tirmidhi, Ahmad; declared ‘Saheeh’ by Shaykh Al-Albani in Silsilah As-Saheehah, No. 284)
This narration highlights a fundamental aspect of faith: that the completeness of a person’s belief in Allah is reflected in their conduct, particularly towards their wives. This teaching underlines the intrinsic link between faith, character, and interpersonal relationships, making the treatment of one’s spouse a litmus test of true piety and goodness.
Understanding the Hadith
The Prophet (ﷺ) affirmed two key qualities in this hadith:
- Perfect Faith is Linked to Good Manners
- The most devout believers are those who embody good character. Manners are not mere social niceties; they are an essential manifestation of a believer’s connection with Allah. Patience, kindness, and respect are attributes that elevate a person’s rank in the sight of Allah and deepen their connection with others.
- Excellence Begins at Home
- Among all relationships, the marital bond holds a unique place. It is a relationship of mutual trust, love, and shared responsibilities. The Prophet (ﷺ) taught that a person’s true character shines in their treatment of those closest to them, particularly their spouse. A person’s goodness is not defined solely by public behavior, but also by how they treat their family behind closed doors.
Shaykh Muhammad Bin Salih Al-Uthaymeen (رحمه الله) elaborated on this hadith, emphasizing that a believer’s goodness should first and foremost benefit their wife. He warned against a common mistake: being polite and considerate to strangers while neglecting or mistreating one’s spouse. The Shaykh beautifully described how a wife’s shared experiences with her husband—joy, sorrow, trials, and triumphs—make her deserving of the utmost care, respect, and kindness.
The Prophetic Example
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) is the ultimate role model in how to treat one’s spouse. His relationships with his wives were characterized by love, compassion, and respect.
- Kindness and Playfulness
The Prophet (ﷺ) maintained a balance of seriousness and lightheartedness in his interactions with his wives. He would playfully race with Aisha (رضي الله عنها) and engage her in meaningful conversations, showing that a strong marital bond is built on mutual joy and understanding. - Patience and Forgiveness
The Prophet (ﷺ) displayed immense patience even in moments of tension. For instance, when Aisha (رضي الله عنها) broke a dish out of jealousy, he gently addressed the situation without harshness, showing a remarkable level of forbearance. - Sharing Household Responsibilities
He would assist his wives in household chores, despite being the leader of the Muslim community. This teaches us that no task is beneath anyone and that sharing responsibilities fosters mutual respect. - Expression of Love
The Prophet (ﷺ) openly expressed his love and affection for his wives, particularly for Aisha (رضي الله عنها), setting an example of the importance of emotional connection and verbal affirmation in marriage.
Good Character as a Sign of Faith
Islam emphasizes that good manners are a sign of true faith. The Qur’an describes the marital relationship as one of tranquility, affection, and mercy:
“And among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who reflect.”
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
The Qur’anic guidance complements the Prophetic teachings, stressing that marriage is not merely a contract but a sacred bond built on mutual respect and understanding.
Practical Lessons for Believers
- Prioritize Family
A believer must not neglect their family while striving to be good to others. Charity begins at home, and goodness to one’s spouse is among the most rewarding acts in the sight of Allah. - Avoid Hypocrisy in Behavior
Some individuals may display politeness and respect in public but behave harshly at home. Such hypocrisy undermines their claim to good character and contradicts Islamic teachings. - Communicate and Appreciate
Open communication and expressing gratitude can significantly strengthen a marital bond. Simple words of appreciation and gestures of kindness go a long way in building affection. - Be Patient and Forgiving
Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable, but they must be resolved with patience and forgiveness. The Prophet (ﷺ) advised against harboring grudges and encouraged reconciliation. - Follow the Prophetic Model
Studying and emulating the way the Prophet (ﷺ) treated his wives helps believers improve their character and relationships.
A Supplication for Marital Bliss
May Allah grant us the ability to treat our spouses with kindness, patience, and love. May He complete our faith and make us among those who embody the best character. May we follow the beautiful example of the Prophet (ﷺ) in all aspects of our lives, especially in our homes. Ameen.
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
This timeless wisdom reminds us that our behavior towards those closest to us is the truest measure of our character and faith. May Allah make us the best to our families and help us uphold the values of compassion, justice, and love.