Laying the Foundation for a Righteous Generation: Reflections on Parenting in Islam
Important Points of reflection on raising children
POINT 1. Raising children starts way before their existence
Abū Bakrah narrated that the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said:
«ما من ذنب أجدر أن يعجل اللہ لصاحبه العقوبة في الدنيا، مع ما يدخر له في الآخرة؛ مثل البغي وقطيعة الرحم».
“There is no sin more worthy of Allāh hastening the punishment upon its perpetrator in the world – along with what awaits him in the Hereafter – than transgression and severing the ties of kinship.”
Relayed by Abū Dāwūd in his Sunan with an authentic chain of transmission
Explanation:
This ḥadīth indicates that raising children begins way before their existence, and that is by honouring and being good to one’s own parents; because your treatment of your parents is a debt that your children will pay back to you in full; if you treated your parents well, your children will treat you well, and if you were bad to them, your recompense will be the same. That is because Allāh hastens the punishment of transgression and severing the ties of kinship for its perpetrator in this world, unless he repents.
And based on the reverse understanding of the ḥadīth, we realise that dutifulness towards one’s parents results in dutifulness of children towards them in this world alongside the great reward that awaits them in the Hereafter.
POINT 2. Marrying a fertile woman
Narrated Ma’qil ibn Yasār: A man came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and said: ‘I have found a woman who is from a good family and of good status, but she does not bear children, should I marry her?’ He told him not to. Then he came to him a second time and he told him not to [marry her]. Then he came to him a third time and he told him not to [marry her], then he said:
((تَزَوَّجُوا الْوَلُودَ الْوَدُودَ فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ)).
“Marry the one who is fertile and loving, for I will boast of your great numbers.”
[Sunan An-Nasā’ē, 3227 – graded “Sahīh” by Sheikh Albani in Sahīh Al-Jāmi’ (2940)]
Explanation:
In this hadith, the Prophet ﷺ encouraged to marry women who are fertile, meaning those who able to bear many children, and this is known by looking at her female relatives; if the married female relatives in her family have many children, then she will mostly likely follow suit.
That is because having a large number of children is a manifestations of humanity and from the delights of this worldly life, as Allāh ﷻ said:
{ ٱلۡمَالُ وَٱلۡبَنُونَ زِینَةُ ٱلۡحَیَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنۡیَا}
“Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life.” [Sūrah Al-Kahf: 46]
It is also a source of benefit and goodness after death, as Abū Hurairah (may Allāh be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger ﷺ as saying:
((إِذَا مَاتَ الإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلاَّ مِنْ ثَلاَثَةٍ إِلاَّ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ جَارِيَةٍ أَوْ عِلْمٍ يُنْتَفَعُ بِهِ أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ)).
“When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased).” [Sahih Muslim, 1631]
نعـــم الإلـه عـلـى الـعبـاد عظيمـة * ومــــــن النــــــــم نجابــــــة الأولاد