Marriage Proposal Over Fiancée New

Permissible to Propose to Engaged Girl in Islam? Hadith Ruling

Question: Is it permissible to send a marriage proposal to another person’s fiancée? Meaning, how is it to send a proposal to a girl whose match is already fixed or matters are almost settled??

Answer..!

Alhamdulillah..!

According to Shariah, if a girl’s match has already been fixed, it is not permissible to send a marriage proposal to her. However, in our society, there is so much jealousy, malice, and spite found in families that if a relative’s match is fixed somewhere, other relatives start sending proposals and pressure is exerted to break the first engagement. Sometimes people do not even intend to marry [the girl]; they send a proposal only to break the previously fixed engagement. When the girl’s family refuses the first suitor, these [engagement] breakers do not proceed either. May Allah have mercy on our nation; they destroy people’s lives under the guise of revenge, jealousy, and malice. For God’s sake, avoid these things. When a Muslim’s match is fixed somewhere, do not interfere. The girl’s family should also ensure that if they have agreed to a suitable match after Istikhara and consultation, they should not end that engagement without reason, and they should refuse new incoming proposals. Some families break engagements after the fact simply because a new proposal comes from someone better off or wealthier. Remember, marriages whose foundation is based on wealth and greed do not last long.

Please observe the evidences:

Sahih Bukhari

Book: Sales (Bargaining)

Chapter: A Muslim should not interfere in the sale of his Muslim brother, nor should he spoil the bargaining of his brother by offering a higher price, unless he permits it or leaves it.

Hadith Number: 2140

حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيُّ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏حَدَّثَنَا الزُّهْرِيُّ ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ سَعِيدِ بْنِ الْمُسَيِّبِ ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ نَهَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنْ يَبِيعَ حَاضِرٌ لِبَادٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا تَنَاجَشُوا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا يَبِيعُ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى بَيْعِ أَخِيهِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا يَخْطُبُ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا تَسْأَلُ الْمَرْأَةُ طَلَاقَ أُخْتِهَا لِتَكْفَأَ مَا فِي إِنَائِهَا.

Translation:

Narrated by Ali bin Abdullah, narrated by Sufyan, narrated by Al-Zuhri, from Saeed bin Al-Musayyib, from Abu Huraira (RA) who said: The Prophet (PBUH) forbade a town-dweller from selling on behalf of a desert-dweller, and [forbade] Najash (bidding up the price without intention to buy). Likewise, no man should interfere in the sale of his brother. No man should propose [marriage] over the proposal of his brother. And no woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (in faith) in order to empty her bowl (take her share) for herself.

Sahih Bukhari

Book: Marriage (Nikah)

Chapter: One should not propose to a woman who is already engaged to his Muslim brother, until the first engagement is ended or he marries.

Hadith Number: 5143

حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ رَبِيعَةَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ الْأَعْرَجِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ قَالَ أَبُو هُرَيْرَةَ يَأْثُرُ:‏‏‏‏ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنَّ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيثِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا تَحَسَّسُوا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا تَبَاغَضُوا، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَكُونُوا إِخْوَانًا.

Hadith Number: 5144

وَلَا يَخْطُبُ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ حَتَّى يَنْكِحَ أَوْ يَتْرُكَ.

Translation:

Narrated by Yahya bin Bukair, narrated by Laith, from Ja’far bin Rabi’ah, from Al-A’raj, from Abu Huraira (RA) who narrates from the Prophet (PBUH) that he said: “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech. Do not spy, do not probe (into others’ affairs), do not hate one another, but be brothers.”

And: “A man should not propose over the proposal of his brother until he marries or leaves [the proposal].”

Sunan Abu Dawood

Book: Marriage (Nikah)

Chapter: It is not permissible to send a proposal over another proposal.

Hadith Number: 2081

حَدَّثَنَا الْحَسَنُ بْنُ عَلِيٍّ، حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ نُمَيْرٍ، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنْ نَافِعٍ، عَنْ ابْنِ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: “لَا يَخْطُبْ أَحَدُكُمْ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ، وَلَا يَبِيعْ عَلَى بَيْعِ أَخِيهِ، إِلَّا بِإِذْنِهِ”. قَالَ سُفْيَانُ: “لَا يَبِيعُ عَلَى بَيْعِ صَاحِبِهِ يَقُولُ عِنْدِي خَيْرٌ مِنْهَا”.

Translation:

Abdullah bin Umar (RA) says that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “None of you should propose over the proposal of his brother, nor sell over the sale of his brother, except with his permission.”

References:

(Tuhfat al-Ashraf: 8009, 8185), Also narrated in: Sahih Bukhari/Sales 58 (2140), Nikah 45 (5142), Sahih Muslim/Nikah 6 (1412), Sales 8 (1412), Sunan Tirmidhi/Sales 57 (1134), Sunan Nasai/Nikah 20 (3240), Sunan Ibn Majah/Nikah 10 (1868), Muwatta Imam Malik/Nikah 1(2), and Sales 45(95), Musnad Ahmed (2/122, 124, 126, 130, 142, 153), Sunan Darimi/Nikah 7 (2222), Sales 33 (2609) (Sahih).

Clarification: 1: Meaning, when a Muslim’s marriage is fixed somewhere, it is not permissible for another to send a message there, because this infringes upon the right of the other Muslim. However, if the engagement is not yet fixed, there is no harm or objection in sending a proposal.

Sunan Nasai

Book: Hadiths regarding Marriage

Chapter: Prohibition of sending a proposal over a proposal.

Hadith Number: 3245

أَخْبَرَنِي يُونُسُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْأَعْلَى، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ وَهْبٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ أَخْبَرَنِي يُونُسُ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ أَخْبَرَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ الْمُسَيِّبِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏أَنّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ لَا يَخْطُبْ أَحَدُكُمْ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ حَتَّى يَنْكِحَ أَوْ يَتْرُكَ.

Translation:

Abu Huraira (RA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: If a brother has sent a marriage proposal somewhere, another Muslim brother should not send a (new) proposal to that place until a decision is made regarding the marriage taking place or not taking place.

Clarification: 1: Meaning, wait. If he marries, drop the proposal. If he abandons it, then send the message.

Sheikh Al-Albani said: Sahih.

Sahih and Da’eef Sunan Nasai Al-Albani: Hadith Number 3241

Sunan Nasai

Book: Hadiths regarding Marriage

Chapter: Sending a proposal with the permission of the proposer or after he leaves it.

Hadith Number: 3247

أَخْبَرَنِي إِبْرَاهِيمُ بْنُ الْحَسَنِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ حَدَّثَنَا الْحَجَّاجُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ قَالَ:‏‏‏‏ ابْنُ جُرَيْجٍ،‏‏‏‏ سَمِعْتُ نَافِعًا يُحَدِّثُ،‏‏‏‏ أَنَّ عَبْدَ اللَّهِ بْنَ عُمَرَ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏كَانَ يَقُولُ:‏‏‏‏ نَهَى رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ أَنْ يَبِيعَ بَعْضُكُمْ عَلَى بَيْعِ بَعْضٍ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏وَلَا يَخْطُبُ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ الرَّجُلِ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏حَتَّى يَتْرُكَ الْخَاطِبُ قَبْلَهُ، ‏‏‏‏‏‏أَوْ يَأْذَنَ لَهُ الْخَاطِبُ.

Translation:

Abdullah bin Umar (RA) used to say that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) forbade that some of you sell over the sale of others, and that a man proposes over the proposal of another man, until the [first] proposer leaves it, or the proposer gives him permission.

Clarification: 1: Meaning, if a shopkeeper is finalizing a deal, a neighboring shopkeeper should not call the buyer saying, “I will give you goods for a lower price than this.”

2: Meaning, refusal has come from the other side or he himself has withdrawn.

Sheikh Al-Albani said: Sahih.

Sahih and Da’eef Sunan Nasai Al-Albani: Hadith Number 3243

Imam Shafi’i (Rahimullah) says: The meaning of this Hadith, that a man should not propose over his brother’s proposal, according to us is that when a man has proposed to a woman and that woman has become pleased with him and inclined towards him; in such a case, it is not correct for anyone to send his proposal over his proposal.

However, if he proposes to her before her consent and inclination are known, there is no harm in it.

The proof for this is:

The Hadith of Fatima bint Qais (RA), that she came to the Prophet (PBUH) and mentioned that Abu Jahm bin Hudhaifa and Muawiyah bin Abi Sufyan had sent her marriage proposals. The Prophet (PBUH) said: “As for Abu Jahm, he does not lift his stick from the women (meaning he beats women a lot). As for Muawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth. Therefore, you should marry Usama bin Zaid.”

(Fatima says: The Prophet (PBUH) said this, but he did not appeal to me/I did not like him. But when the Prophet (PBUH) told me three times to marry Usama bin Zaid, I (honored his word and) married him.

Later, Allah put so much blessing in it that the women of Medina used to envy me.)

(Nasai, 3246)

(Ibn Majah, 1869)

Imam Shafi’i (Rahimullah) says: According to us, the concept of this Hadith (and Allah knows best) is that Fatima had not expressed her consent to any of them. If she had expressed it, the Prophet (PBUH) would not have advised her to leave them and marry Usama (RA).

(Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith Number_1134/Footnote under the Hadith)

From these blessed Ahadith, it is proven that sending a marriage proposal to someone’s fiancée is not permissible. In fact, far from being a fiancée, if someone has sent a marriage proposal and the girl’s family has formed an intention [to accept], even then it is not permissible for another person to send a marriage proposal to the same woman. Yes, if the girl’s family has refused, or the girl’s family has not yet made up their mind, or the one who sent the proposal gives permission to someone himself, then it is permissible for another person to send a marriage proposal.

The Tragedy..!

But in our society, it often happens that if someone in the community finds out that so-and-so has fixed the match of their son or daughter in a certain household, people get jealous or, to demean them, intentionally interfere and send proposals for their own children to that family.

This is not permissible!

And it is a violation of the command of the Prophet (PBUH), and avoiding it is necessary.

Secondly, it is also understood from this Hadith that if a person asks you for advice about someone, and you know the real faults of the person being asked about, there is no harm in mentioning them. Just as the Prophet (PBUH) mentioned regarding Abu Jahm that he beats and strikes women… This will not fall under backbiting (Gheebat), because advice should always be given sincerely and correctly.

And it is also understood that there is always goodness in consultation; do consult with good friends.

(And Allah The Exalted knows best what is correct)

Reference: https://alfurqan.info/problems/235