Islamic Rules on Fiancée Viewing

Limits of Seeing & Touching Fiancée in Islam: Hadith Guide

Question:

I read a Hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) stating that it is permissible to look at a girl with the intention of marriage. My question is: what is the limit of seeing and touching the fiancée? Is it permissible for a man to see her hair or her full head?

Answer:

Alhamdulillah:

Islamic Sharia has prohibited looking at a non-Mahram (strange) woman so that purity of the self, chastity, modesty, and honor are maintained. However, in certain situations, due to great necessity and need, Islamic Sharia has permitted looking at a non-Mahram woman. This includes a suitor looking at his fiancée, because the important decision of both the man and woman’s life in the form of marriage depends on this.

It is very important to consider the consent and likes or dislikes of both the boy and the girl for Nikah (marriage). There are clear arguments in Sharia regarding this, stating that the boy and girl should see each other before marriage so that differences do not arise between them after the Nikah. SubhanAllah, may I be sacrificed for such a Sharia, which makes a forbidden thing Halal for a short while so that their home does not break after marriage with the husband saying, “I do not like you,” or the wife saying, “I do not like you.” Therefore, the command was given beforehand to ask for consent and to see one another.

However, our tragedy is that, on one hand, some parents have given their children so much freedom that, following Western culture, they roam around, meet, and form relationships with non-Mahrams without asking their parents and before marriage, and the parents have no objection to this. On the other hand, there are some parents who are so unnecessarily strict that they take their daughters, fully adorned, among non-Mahrams at weddings and events, but when the boy insists on seeing the girl at the time of Nikah, it is refused by calling it un-Islamic or the girl is not shown in the name of honor. In both scenarios, either the match does not happen, or problems arise later, and generally, in such situations, marriages even break… Regardless, parents should respect the rights of their children while keeping the aspects of Sharia in mind, and arrange their Nikah considering their likes and dislikes.

((For further details, see the previous series No. 54: Does Islam forbid love marriage?))

The arguments for looking at the girl before Nikah are as follows:

Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

إِذَا خَطَبَ أَحَدُكُمُ الْمَرْأَةَ فَإِنِ اسْتَطَاعَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَى مَا يَدْعُوهُ إِلَى نِكَاحِهَا فَلْيَفْعَلْ “. قَالَ : فَخَطَبْتُ جَارِيَةً، فَكُنْتُ أَتَخَبَّأُ لَهَا حَتَّى رَأَيْتُ مِنْهَا مَا دَعَانِي إِلَى نِكَاحِهَا وَتَزَوُّجِهَا، فَتَزَوَّجْتُهَا،

“When one of you proposes to a woman, if he is able to look at what induces him to marry her, he should do so.” Jabir said: “I proposed to a girl, and I used to hide for her until I saw from her what invited me to marry her and wed her, so I married her.”

(Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 2082)

And in another narration:

” وقال جارية من بني سلمة ، فكنت أتخبأ لها تحت الكرب ، حتى رأيت منها ما دعاني إلى نكاحها ، فتزوجتها

Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him) stated: “I proposed to a girl from Bani Salama, and I used to hide for her under the palm trunks until I saw from her that which invited me to marry her, so I married her.”

(Muhammad Ibn Abd al-Wahhab _ Al-Hadith li Ibn Abd al-Wahhab 4/110 •)

(Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 2082)

Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates: I was with the Prophet (peace be upon him) when a man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “I have married an Ansari woman.” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to him:

أَنَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا ؟ “. قَالَ : لَا. قَالَ :

” فَاذْهَبْ، فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّ فِي أَعْيُنِ الْأَنْصَارِ شَيْئًا “.

“Have you looked at her?” He said, “No.” The Prophet said: “Go and look at her, for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar.”

(Sahih Muslim, Hadith No. 1424)

(Sunan An-Nasa’i, Hadith No. 3234)

Mughira bin Shu’bah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates: I came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and mentioned to him that I was proposing to a woman. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Go and look at her, for it is more likely to bring agreement (love) between the two of you.” So I came to an Ansari woman and proposed to her through her parents, and I conveyed the command of the Prophet (peace be upon him), but it seemed as though they did not like this. The woman heard this from behind the curtain and said: “If the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) has commanded you to look, then look, otherwise I adjure you by Allah (not to).” As if she considered this thing very significant. Mughira (may Allah be pleased with him) says: “I looked at her and married her.” Then he mentioned their mutual harmony and agreement.

(Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith No. 1866)

(Sunan Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 1087)

Hadith Sahih!!

Sahl bin Sa’d Al-Sa’idi (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that:

A woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), I gift myself to you.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) looked at her, raising his eyes and then lowering them. When the woman saw that the Prophet (peace be upon him) had not made a decision, she sat down.

One of the companions stood up and said, “O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), if you have no need for her, then marry her to me.” The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

“Do you have anything?” The companion replied, “O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), by Allah, I have nothing.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Go to your family and see, perhaps you can find something.” He went and came back saying, “By Allah, I found nothing.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Look, even if it is an iron ring.” He went and came back saying, “O Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), by Allah, I did not even find an iron ring, but I have this sheet (garment), I give half of it to her.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“What will you do with it? If you wear it, she will have nothing on her.” Upon hearing this from the Prophet (peace be upon him), the man sat down, and after sitting for a long time, he got up to leave. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) saw him leaving and ordered him to be called back. When he returned, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“How much Quran do you know?” He replied, “I know such and such Surah.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Can you recite it from memory?” He said, “Yes.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Go, I have given her to you in marriage in exchange for the Quran that you have memorized.”

(Sahih Bukhari _ Hadith No. 2587)

(Sahih Muslim _ Hadith No. 1425)

(Sunan Abu Dawood Hadith No. 2111)

Scholarly Opinions on the Limit of Looking at a Fiancée

Imam Shafi’i (may Allah have mercy on him) says:

When a man wants to marry a woman, it is not permissible for him to look at the woman without a headcover. Yes, if her head is covered, he can look at only the face and hands, with her permission or without her permission (i.e., hiding).

Allah Almighty says:

And they should not display their adornment except what is apparent of it.

He says that this refers to the face and hands.

(Al-Hawi Al-Kabir _ 9 / 34)

Imam Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) says:

When there is a desire to marry a girl, it is Mustahabb (recommended) to look at her so that one does not face regret later.

And one view is that looking is not Mustahabb but Mubah (permissible), but in light of the Ahadith, the first view is correct. Repeated looking is permissible, both with her permission and without permission. If looking is not possible, one should send a woman to see her who can look at her thoroughly and describe her attributes to the man.

And similarly, when a woman wants to marry, she can also look at the man because just as the man has a preference, the woman also has a preference.

The woman’s face and palms can be seen from both sides; nothing else apart from this can be seen.

(Rawdat al-Talibin wa ‘Umdat al-Muftin 7 / 19 – 20)

Imam Abu Hanifa (may Allah have mercy on him) has permitted looking at both feet, palms, and the face.

(See Bidayat al-Mujtahid wa Nihayat al-Muqtasid (3 / 10))

Ibn Abidin (may Allah have mercy on him) says:

Looking at the face, palms, and feet is permissible; exceeding this is not correct. Ibn Rushd has also narrated similarly as mentioned above.

(See Hashiyah Ibn Abidin _ 5 / 325)

Imam Ahmed (may Allah have mercy on him)’s narrations:

First narration: He can look at the hands and face.

Second narration: He can look at what usually appears, for example, the neck, calves, etc.

Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy on him) in (Al-Mughni (7 / 454)), Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya (may Allah have mercy on him) in (Tahdhib al-Sunan _ 3 / 25 – 26), and Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) in Fath al-Bari (11 / 78) have narrated this.

From what has been stated above, it is evident that according to the majority (Jumhoor) of scholars, looking at the fiancée’s face and palms is permissible because the face indicates beauty and elegance or ugliness, and the palms indicate whether the woman’s body is frail or full/fertile.

Abu al-Faraj al-Maqdisi (may Allah have mercy on him) says:

There is no disagreement among the scholars regarding looking at the face because the face is the gatherer of virtues and the place to be looked at.

Ruling on Seclusion (Khulwah) with the Fiancée and Touching Her

Touching a non-Mahram is Haram (forbidden), whether it is a fiancée or anyone else.

Narrated by Sayyiduna Ma’qil bin Yasar (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said:

’لأََنْ یُّطْعَنَ فِي رَأْسِ أَحَدِکُمْ بِمِخْیَطٍ مِّنْ حَدِیدٍ؛ خَیْرٌ لَّہٗ مِنْ أَنْ یَّمَسَّ امْرَاَۃً لَّا تَحِلُّ لَہٗ

“For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than to touch a woman who is not lawful for him.”

(Al-Mu’jam Al-Kabir by Al-Tabarani: 20/212, and its chain is Sahih)

(Al-Albani Sahih Al-Targhib 1910 • Hasan Sahih)

((For further details, see Series No. 267: The Shari’ah ruling on touching and shaking hands with a non-Mahram))

Zayla’i (may Allah have mercy on him) says: It is not permissible for a man to touch his fiancée’s face and palms—even if there is no fear of lust—firstly because of its prohibition (Hurmat) and secondly because there is no need for it.

And in Durr al-Bihar it is stated that “It is not permissible for a judge, a witness, and a fiancée to touch the woman, even if none of them fear lust, because there is no need for it.” See the book: Radd al-Muhtar ‘ala al-Durr al-Muhtar (5 / 237).

And Ibn Qudamah (may Allah have mercy on him) says:

It is not permissible to have seclusion (Khulwah) with the fiancée because it is Haram, and in Sharia, nothing has been narrated except looking, so it remains upon its prohibition. Also because one is not safe from the occurrence of a forbidden act due to seclusion; rather, there is a fear of it occurring.

And the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) command is:

(No man should be in seclusion with any woman because the third among them is the Shaitan). Similarly, he should not look at the fiancée with a look of pleasure, lust, or doubt.

Imam Ahmed (may Allah have mercy on him) said in a narration:

He should look at her face, but there should not be a look of lust in it.

It is permissible for a man to look repeatedly so that he can contemplate her features because the objective is not achieved without it.

Thus, it is permissible for a suitor to look at his fiancée even if he sees her without her permission and knowledge; the Sahih Ahadith indicate this.

Hafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) says in Fath al-Bari:

The majority of scholars say that: If he wants to look at the fiancée, it is permissible to look without her permission. See Fath al-Bari (9 / 157).

Sheikh Allama and Muhaddith of the era, Muhammad Nasiruddin Al-Albani (may Allah have mercy on him), supporting this in Al-Silsilah Al-Sahihah, says:

And similarly, evidence for this is found in the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) saying (even if she does not know), and this is supported by the practice of the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) who acted upon the Sunnah. Among them are Muhammad bin Maslamah and Jabir bin Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with them), as both of them used to hide to see their fiancées so they could see what invited them to Nikah. (See Al-Silsilah Al-Sahihah _ 1 / 156).

In another place, (may Allah have mercy on him) writes something to this effect:

Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) wanted to marry a woman, so he sent a woman to see her and said to her: “Smell her front teeth and look at the part above her heels.”

Imam Hakim narrated this Hadith and after calling it Sahih said that it is upon the condition of Muslim, and Imam Dhahabi also agreed with him.

(Mustadrak Al-Hakim _ 2 / 166)

(Sunan Al-Bayhaqi (7 / 87))

And in Majma’ al-Zawa’id (4 / 507) it is stated that Ahmed and Bazzar narrated it, and the narrators of Ahmed are trustworthy (Thiqa). See Al-Silsilah Al-Sahihah (1 / 157).

In Mughni al-Muhtaj it is stated that:

From this Hadith, it can be derived that it is permissible for the woman sent to describe more than what she saw; thus, he can benefit from sending that woman in a way that he would not benefit even from looking himself.

(See Al-Mughni Al-Muhtaj /_ Vol 3 / 128)

From all these arguments, it is proven that when the talk of Nikah begins to solidify, the boy and girl should look at each other in the presence of parents or Mahram people. This will either increase love between them or, in the case of dislike, they will refuse the proposal, which reduces the chances of differences arising after marriage.

(And Allah knows best what is correct)

Reference: https://alfurqan.info/problems/1109