Delayed Marriage: An Islamic Guide for Youth & Parents

A Sacred Trust: The Islamic Ruling on Delayed Marriage and Parental Duty

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

We live in an age of unprecedented trials (fitna), where temptations are rampant and the path of righteousness is fraught with challenges. One of the greatest and most overlooked contributors to the spiritual and social ailments of our Ummah is the crisis of delayed marriage. This issue, often dismissed as a private family matter, has become a societal plague. Due to this, our youth suffer the silent poison of deprivation, or the insensitivity of their guardians snatches away their happiness, turning vibrant souls into vessels of anxiety and pushing them towards the abyss of forbidden matters. The solution, as with all our affairs, lies in returning to the pristine guidance of Allah and His Messenger (ﷺ).

The Sacred Trust of Parenthood: A Matter of Accountability

Parenthood is one of the most profound responsibilities bestowed by Allah. Many parents fulfill the physical needs of their children with diligence but tragically underestimate the rights of their souls. They forget that their children are an amanah (a sacred trust) and on the Day of Judgment, they will face a severe accounting for how they discharged this trust. It is not enough to provide food, clothing, and education; parents are the primary shepherds of their children’s faith, character, and emotional well-being.

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:

کلکمراعوکلکممسوولعنرعیتہ،والرجلراعفیاھلہومسوولعنرعیتہ

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock.” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

This Hadith underscores that a parent’s role is one of active guardianship. Part of this guardianship is recognizing the natural stages of life their children go through. To ignore the onset of adulthood and the legitimate needs that come with it is a betrayal of this trust.

Furthermore, Islam demands absolute justice from parents in dealing with their children. When the Prophet (ﷺ) was informed that a companion, Bashir bin Sa’d, had gifted a slave to one son but not his others, his face changed, and he asked, “Have you given a similar gift to all your children?” When the man replied no, the Prophet (ﷺ) delivered a stern rebuke:

اتقوااللهواعدلوابيناولادكم

“Fear Allah, and be just among your children.” (Sahih al-Bukhari)

In another powerful narration, he said, “Then do not make me a witness, for I cannot be a witness to injustice (jawr).” (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim).

Let us reflect deeply. If showing preference in a material gift is labeled as forbidden injustice, what is the magnitude of the sin of denying a child their God-given right to marriage, thereby exposing them to immense psychological turmoil and the temptation of major sins? This is an injustice whose painful consequences echo in this life and the Hereafter.

Correcting Misconceptions: Marriage as a Pillar of Life

To reform our communities, we must first correct our collective understanding of marriage. It is not a luxury item to be acquired after every other worldly goal is achieved. It is a fundamental need of the human soul, a cornerstone of a healthy life, and a fortress for one’s faith.

Puberty signals the blossoming of a person’s physical and psychological being. To deny its natural culmination in marriage is to stunt this growth. Islam, the religion of fitrah (natural disposition), recognizes this perfectly. Marriage is the institution that provides the tranquility, love, and mercy that every human heart yearns for. Allah says:

"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought." (Ar-Rum 30:21)

Unnecessary delay in this essential matter can be devastating, leading to a host of societal ills and personal spiritual diseases.

The Divine Command and Divine Promise

The Quran does not leave us guessing. It gives a clear and direct command to facilitate marriage, cutting through the web of societal excuses. Allah the Exalted says:

"And marry those among you who are single... If they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace. And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing. And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allah enriches them of His Bounty." (An-Nur 24:32-33)

This powerful verse contains both a command and a promise. The command is to marry the single. The promise is for those who fear poverty: Allah will enrich them from His bounty. The great exegete Abdullah ibn Mas’ud (may Allah be pleased with him) used to say, “Seek wealth through marriage,” reciting this very verse. When a person takes a step to fulfill a command of Allah and preserve their chastity, Allah opens doors of barakah (blessing) that were previously unimaginable. As the Quranic commentator Maulana Amin Ahsan Islahi wrote, a person’s potential is often contracted and suppressed until they find a spouse. In the union of marriage, their abilities emerge, and their combined struggle is blessed by Allah, completely transforming their circumstances.

Dismantling Baseless Societal Excuses

Despite this clear divine guidance, our communities are shackled by cultural excuses that have no basis in Islam.

1. “He must be financially established first.” While responsibility is key, this has been exaggerated into a demand for luxury. The Sahaba married with the simplest of means, trusting in Allah. Turning education and career into idols that must be perfected before marriage is a modern invention that directly contradicts the spirit of tawakkul (trust in Allah). Marriage often brings the very stability and motivation needed to succeed in these worldly pursuits.
2. Delaying a Son’s Marriage for a Daughter. This demonstrates a flawed understanding of Allah’s decree. Every person’s provision and spouse are written. To obstruct one known good deed (a son’s marriage) out of anxiety for a future event (a daughter’s marriage) is to interfere with Allah’s plan and creates a vicious cycle where everyone waits, and no one gets married.
3. “The Son will be lost to his wife.” This fear often stems not from genuine concern, but from a failure in tarbiyah (Islamic upbringing) and a desire for control. A son raised on Islamic principles of honoring parents will not abandon them. In fact, a righteous wife will encourage him to be an even better son. This excuse unjustly punishes the son for a supposed future crime he has not committed and blocks the path of another’s daughter.

The Islamic Ruling and The Path Forward for Our Youth

The Shar’i (legal) status of marriage is dynamic and depends on one’s situation. For a person who has the means and fears falling into sin (zina or related acts) if they remain unmarried, the scholars of Islam, including the four major schools of thought, have stated that marriage becomes obligatory (wajib). In this state, protecting oneself from haram is a paramount obligation, and marriage is the prescribed means. It is an act of worship that takes precedence over many other voluntary or even some obligatory acts, like a second Hajj.

What, then, should a young person do when their guardians are neglectful or stand as an obstacle without a valid Islamic reason? The guidance of the Prophet (ﷺ) is a beacon of light for you. He addressed the youth directly:

“O young people! Whoever among you can afford it (al-ba’ah), should marry, because it helps in lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts. And whoever cannot afford it, should fast, for fasting is a shield for him.” (Narrated in Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, and others)

This Hadith is a direct call to action. It is permissible for you to seek a righteous, chaste Muslim spouse and marry. While you must always treat your parents with kindness and respect (ihsan), and try to convince them with wisdom, your obedience to them ends where disobedience to Allah begins. The foundational principle of our faith is: لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الخالق – “There is no obedience to the creation in the disobedience of the Creator.”

To remain unmarried due to the unreasonable and un-Islamic demands of parents, while being perilously close to sins that incur the wrath of Allah, is a grave error. Your primary loyalty is to Allah. Taking the initiative to marry to protect your faith is not an act of rebellion; it is an act of profound obedience and a fulfillment of the Sunnah.

We pray that Allah Almighty guides the hearts of the parents of this Ummah to realize the gravity of their trust. May He grant our youth the strength and courage to protect their chastity and follow the path of the Prophet (ﷺ). May He remove these man-made obstacles and make the path to Halal marriage easy for all.

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وَبِاللّٰہِ التَّوْفِیْقُ

And with Allah is all success.

ھٰذٙا مٙا عِنْدِی وٙاللہُ تٙعٙالیٰ اٙعْلٙمْ بِالصّٙوٙاب

This is what I have, and Allah the Exalted knows best what is correct.