Question:Is it permissible in Islamic Sharia to get engaged before marriage if the engagement does not involve the exchange of rings between the boy and the girl? Instead, the boy’s family comes and gives gifts like clothes and jewelry to the girl and finalizes the proposal. Is it permissible to perform such customs, or is it considered following the disbelievers? Should we finalize the proposal just by talking and performing the marriage simply? Also, if the boy’s family insists on such customs, how can we explain it to them?
Answer: Engagement is permissible, and it means giving a marriage proposal. However, the current customs associated with engagement are entirely against Islamic teachings. The Islamic way of marriage is very simple. Before marriage, a proposal is given, and once it is accepted, a date for the marriage is set. After that, the marriage contract (Nikah) is performed on the set date.
Nowadays, the customs from engagement to marriage are filled with many undesirable practices, and it is regrettable. As Muslims, the engagement should also be simple, meaning there should be no exchange of gifts or financial transactions. The marriage should be finalized through conversation, and the period leading up to the marriage should also be simple. We should invite the other party to simplicity as well. We can advise them, but we cannot force them. However, we can avoid those who insist on un-Islamic practices for marriage.
Sheikh Maqbool Ahmed Salafi حفظه الله ❪Jeddah Dawah Center, Hayy Al-Salamah – Saudi Arabia❫
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