The Importance of Avoiding Free-Mixing in Islam
Am I allowed to free-mix if I stay clear of fitnah
A questionnaire asks: What is your opinion concerning a righteous woman who attends a free-mixed university to study medicine, stating that she is not involved in anything prohibited, but rather seeks to benefit people?
Sheikh Yahya ḥafidhahullāh (paraphrasing):
A believer must adhere to the evidence, and Allāh is more knowledgeable of His creation than they are of themselves.
{ألا يعلم من خلق وهو اللطيف الخبير}
“Does He who created them not know? He is the Subtle, the All-Aware.” Allāh Almighty has forbidden the mixing of men and women, even if a person claims they are not involved in anything forbidden, whether they are male or female. It’s incumbent to avoid free-mixed studies, regardless of one’s intentions, whether good or not, or whether the person claims, “I do not intend any wrongdoing.”
Sa’eed ibn Al-Musayyib once remarked, “If I were entrusted with a large amount of wealth, I would consider myself trustworthy. But if I were entrusted with a black woman, I would not trust myself.” This is fairness. Many who claim they are not inclined toward wrongdoing deceive themselves. Even if a person is righteous, male or female, Allāh has placed within human beings a natural inclination: men toward women and women toward men. The warnings against mixing, inappropriate gazes, and other causes of temptation are due to their harms.
The guidance of the Prophet ﷺ and the command of Allāh take precedence over people’s preferences or the statements of individuals, such as someone claiming, “I regard her as a mother or a sister,” or a woman saying, “I regard him as a father.” The righteousness of a person lies in avoiding the prohibited matters. As Allāh Almighty says:
{ یَـٰۤأَیُّهَا ٱلَّذِینَ ءَامَنُوا۟ لِمَ تَقُولُونَ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ (2) كَبُرَ مَقۡتًا عِندَ ٱللَّهِ أَن تَقُولُوا۟ مَا لَا تَفۡعَلُونَ (3) }
O you who believe! Why do you say what you do not do? It is most hateful to Allāh that you say what you do not do." [Sūrah Aṣ-Ṣaff: 2-3]
A righteous person calls others to righteousness through their actions, as Allāh says:
{أَتَأۡمُرُونَ ٱلنَّاسَ بِٱلۡبِرِّ وَتَنسَوۡنَ أَنفُسَكُمۡ وَأَنتُمۡ تَتۡلُونَ ٱلۡكِتَـٰبَۚ أَفَلَا تَعۡقِلُونَ }
“Do you enjoin righteousness on others while forgetting yourselves, though you recite the Scripture? Will you not reason?” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 44] Allāh also says:
{ یَـٰۤأَیُّهَا ٱلَّذِینَ ءَامَنُوا۟ عَلَیۡكُمۡ أَنفُسَكُمۡۖ لَا یَضُرُّكُم مَّن ضَلَّ إِذَا ٱهۡتَدَیۡتُمۡ}
“O you who believe! Take care of your own selves. If you follow the right guidance, no harm can come to you from those who are misguided.” [Surah Al-Māʾidah: 105] This does not mean abandoning the duty of enjoining good and forbidding evil. Rather, the truth is that Ēmān requires vigilance against harm by commanding good and forbidding evil, and the actions of others will not harm you once you have fulfilled your duty before Allāh. Remaining silent in the face of evil leads to harm spreading among society.
A person should not become a slave to wealth, for the Prophet ﷺ said: “Wretched is the slave of the dinar, wretched is the slave of the dirham.”…If one disobeys Allāh for the sake of money, they become enslaved to it. No matter how much wealth they amass, they will remain wretched…
It is the responsibility of the guardian to prevent her from being conducted. [The Prophet ﷺ said] “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.” [He ﷺ also said] “It is enough of a sin for a person to neglect those under their care.” Neglecting a woman’s religious well-being is far worse than neglecting her physical sustenance, for religious neglect may lead to destruction unless Allāh saves them with His Mercy. Physical deprivation, on the other hand, is temporary, and many people live with limited resources and they will be rewarded for [their patience upon] that…
This is why the guardian has been entrusted with this responsibility; to look after her and suffice her financially. The Messenger of Allāh ﷺ was asked: What is the right of the wife of one of us over him? He replied: “That you should give her food when you eat, clothe her when you clothe yourself, do not strike her on the face, do not strike her on the face.”…The father or the one responsible over her should discipline and force her to remain at home, as Allāh stated:
{ وَقَرۡنَ فِی بُیُوتِكُنَّ}
“Remain in your homes.”
[Surah Al-Aḥzāb: 33] – Unless there’s a need.
The Prophet ﷺ said: “When a woman leaves her home, Shaytan seeks to tempt her/tempt others by way of her.” This applies whether she is going to school, the market, or elsewhere. [He ﷺ also said] “I have not left behind a greater trial for men than women,” as stated in the ḥadīth by Usāmah ibn Zaid in the Sahihain.
Likewise, the husband must command his wife [to avoid such practice], and it is obligatory for her to comply. If a woman insists on continuing free-mixed studies or engaging in other impermissible activities like leaving the house, driving her car or catching a ride on the street, without a legitimate need, the husband has the right to prevent her. He should tell her that it is his duty to provide for her and should not allow her to go and teach or work in such an environment. If women come to her home, she can teach them…
If she insists on disobeying him, he should leave her.
{ وَإِن یَتَفَرَّقَا یُغۡنِ ٱللهُ كُلࣰّا مِّن سَعَتِهِۦۚ وَكَانَ ٱللَّهُ وَ ٰسِعًا حَكِیمࣰا }
“But if they choose to separate, Allah will enrich both of them from His bounties. And Allah is Ever-Bountiful, All-Wise.” [Sūrah An-Nisāʾ: 130]
A man should not marry a woman who is not under his religious care and guidance, nor should he allow his wife to act against the commands of Allāh and His Messenger whatever excuses she makes. Such excuses are not a concession to disregard Allāh’s prohibitions.
Even animals, if male and female livestock were left to mingle, one would hear a great commotion. If animals behave this way, how much more susceptible is humankind, given their greater capacity and desires? Allāh has placed within humans instincts and inclinations that far surpass those of animals. Therefore, adhering to Allāh’s commands and avoiding prohibited interactions is essential to maintaining moral and social order.