Beware of Deception: How Social Media Lures Women into Unwise Marriages
On Social Media, Innocent Girls Are Lured into Marriage
Women who are connected to social media often face many issues; therefore, they must use social platforms with great caution, especially when chatting with someone. You should know that while good deeds are performed through this platform, it is also used for various forms of immorality, indecency, dishonesty, and deception. I will attempt to shed light on how women are misled through social media with the promise of marriage and how they are convinced to agree to marriage without a guardian (wali).
I will mention two important incidents in this matter to emphasize the need for women to be cautious of such people. The first incident involves an educated Pakistani woman who was in contact with an educated man of a jihadi mindset. They would converse frequently, and over time, a sense of love and affection developed between them. The man’s jihadi mindset influenced the woman to adopt the same mentality, and she began to view fighting and killing as the essence of religion. Because of this, she became extremely devoted to the man. In her eyes, only a man with a jihadi nature appeared to be a true Muslim. As their conversations progressed, the relationship eventually reached the stage of marriage. The man promised to marry her, but months and years passed, and the promise remained unfulfilled. By the time the woman realized something was wrong, she was nearing the age of forty. She suddenly realized that the man was merely making promises of marriage without any intention of fulfilling them. She awoke to the reality that she had wasted her youth in meaningless conversations. When she insisted on marriage, the man ultimately refused. This refusal came at a stage in her life where she felt no one in society would accept her, and she became distraught. She remained troubled for many days but eventually revived her educational awareness and gathered the courage to seek help from knowledgeable scholars. After much struggle and hardship, she finally entered into a marital relationship.
After this experience, she now warns others about the dangers of social media, saying that many men lure women with soft, sweet words and destroy their innocent lives. Women only realize this after it’s too late, when the opportunity to recover is lost. She repented from using social media and deleted all her accounts.
Another incident is more recent and compelled me to warn other women. It involves an unmarried Indian female scholar (alimah) who was in contact with a married religious scholar (alim). This 41-year-old alim, a graduate of Madinah University, teaches Arabic and engages in some religious work on social media. According to reports, the alimah was impressed by his work and developed a religious affection for him. This religious connection led to a proposal for marriage, and the alim proposed to her. However, when the alimah discussed this with her family, her guardian (wali) was not in favor of the marriage. This case was brought to my attention, and I was asked whether a female scholar who has developed religious affection for a male scholar, and wishes to marry him to work together for the religion, can marry without the consent of her wali. Furthermore, I was informed that another scholar from Madinah had been consulted, and he advised that in such cases, the girl can change her wali, allowing someone else to act as her guardian. The girl was even told that if she does not marry this scholar, Allah will question her on the Day of Judgment about her capabilities, and at that time, her father will turn away from her.
To answer this question, I asked the inquirer five questions to clarify the situation and provide a correct response:
1. Does the girl love this scholar and frequently talk to him in private?
2. If she wishes to marry him for the sake of religion so that they can work together, what significant religious contributions has the scholar made to assess his distinguishing qualities?
3. Is the fatwa regarding changing the guardian and the question about her abilities on the Day of Judgment from the same scholar she intends to marry?
4. Why does her father not want her to marry this scholar?
5. Given that the scholar is already married and has children, why does she want to marry him, knowing the challenges she would face with a co-wife and the societal difficulties surrounding polygamy?
I got these answers to these questions respectively.
(1) The girl speaks to the scholar in private and also loves him, but it is because of religious work, not for sexual gratification.
(2) The scholar teaches Arabic, conducts online scholarly courses, and intends to do religious work in Madinah in the future.
(3) Yes, the same scholar issued this fatwa.
(4) The girl is young and a virgin, she is 19 years old, while the scholar is 41 years old, has two children, and the girl is her father’s only daughter, which is why her guardian is not in favor of this marriage.
(5) The scholar loves the girl deeply because of her piety and wants to work with her to spread religious teachings among women. He tells the girl that he doesn’t want her religious potential to go to waste, which is why the girl agrees to marry him, even though she has never seen him.
After this, I responded to them that I suspected from the fatwa itself that someone was issuing it for personal benefit and was deceiving the girl in the name of the Day of Judgment. The girl has become emotionally overwhelmed by the scholar’s words. Women have soft hearts, and they can easily give their hearts to someone through sweet words, and this seems to be the case here. It is possible that the girl likes the scholar’s work, but the scholar’s deep love for the girl, issuing a fatwa against the guardian’s wishes to marry her, and winning her over by using the Day of Judgment is actually fraud and deceit. Furthermore, I do not see any distinguishing qualities in the scholar from a religious perspective that set him apart. He is doing the same work that other scholars are doing.
Since the girl was a scholar herself and wasn’t satisfied with the fatwa, she consulted another scholar through an intermediary to ensure she didn’t make an emotional misstep.
The first point here is that in this scenario, the girl does not have the right to change her guardian (wali), and according to Sharia, marriage without the consent of the wali is invalid. In this case, the guardian’s refusal is justified, and it’s not because of religious reasons but due to the fact that the man is older, already married, and has children. There is nothing wrong with a wali seeking an appropriate match for his daughter, such as someone of similar age and unmarried. When Jabir bin Abdullah (Radeyallahu Anhu) mentioned his marriage to the Prophet (ﷺ), the Prophet asked him if he had married a virgin or a previously married woman, and Jabir replied that he had married a previously married woman. The Prophet then said, “Why didn’t you marry a virgin so you could play with her and she with you?” This shows that there is an age for playful interactions between husband and wife, and both men and women may desire to marry someone who is unmarried, so they can fully enjoy each other’s company. If a young girl cannot experience complete sexual satisfaction or the true pleasure of youth with an older man after marriage, it could lead to regret later on. One of the primary purposes of marriage emotional tranquility and the protection of chastity—might not be fulfilled. Therefore, it is important to keep these objectives in mind before entering into a marriage.
As for the scholar’s statements about the Day of Judgment and the girl’s capabilities, my response is that this is precisely the tactic through which the scholar has trapped the innocent girl. He has firmly implanted in her mind that she is very capable and that if she doesn’t marry him, her abilities will be wasted. Furthermore, when Allah questions her about these capabilities on the Day of Judgment, what will she say? He also tells her that her father will turn his back on her.
The scope of a woman’s religious work is not the same as that of a man’s. Are you not aware that Allah chose men for prophethood and messengership, and ordered women to remain in their homes? This does not mean that a woman cannot engage in religious work. She can absolutely do so, but within the limits and guidelines of Islam. Furthermore, a female scholar does not need a man to practice her knowledge or to share it with others. It is certainly not necessary for her to marry this elderly scholar with children to do religious work. Are there no other people with knowledge and piety?
Lastly, to all those who engage in unnecessary conversations with girls on social media, leading them into marriage with sweet, flattering words: Firstly, doing so is Islamically prohibited. Who knows what irrelevant conversations are taking place under the pretense of necessity? Secondly, if you genuinely desire to marry a girl based on her knowledge and religious commitment, then instead of trying to win her over with sweet talk, speak to her wali about marriage. Bollywood films have led Muslim girls to elope under the guise of love marriages, marry in court without a wali, and live lives of sin. Now social media is encouraging girls to rebel against their guardians. It is deeply saddening to see even scholars, who are supposed to uphold knowledge, leading such rebellions.
From these words, women are advised to use social media only when necessary and with caution, avoid speaking to unknown men without need, seek guidance from well-known and pious scholars for any scholarly questions, avoid audio messages as much as possible, and keep written communication limited to the necessity of the situation. If anyone brings up the topic of marriage, direct them to speak to your wali (guardian) instead of engaging in those discussions yourself.
Written by: Sheikh Maqbool Ahmed Salafi, Hafizahullah
Jeddah Dawah Center – Saudi Arabia
Interpreter: Hasan Fuzail