Is It Permissible to Beat a Disobedient Wife in Shari’ah?
Question: Is it permissible in Shari’ah to be violent towards a disobedient wife? Is it written in the Quran that a wife can be beaten for making a mistake? Please clarify with evidence from the Quran and Hadith.
Answer:
Alhamdulillah:
Due to a lack of understanding and knowledge, some people misuse the rulings of Shari’ah. It is not written anywhere in the Quran or Hadith that if a wife is disobedient, you should start beating her like an animal or verbally abusing her. On the contrary, the Quran commands the husband to be good to his wife and to live with her in kindness. Even if the husband does not feel an attachment to his wife, does not love her from his heart, or if his love has faded for some reason, he should still treat her well. This is mentioned in the Holy Quran as follows:
أَعـوذُ بِاللهِ مِنَ الشَّيْـطانِ الرَّجيـم
بِسْمِ اللّٰهِ الرَحْمٰنِ الرَحِيْمِ
يٰۤـاَيُّهَا الَّذِيۡنَ اٰمَنُوۡا لَا يَحِلُّ لَـكُمۡ اَنۡ تَرِثُوا النِّسَآءَ كَرۡهًا ؕ وَلَا تَعۡضُلُوۡهُنَّ لِتَذۡهَبُوۡا بِبَعۡضِ مَاۤ اٰتَيۡتُمُوۡهُنَّ اِلَّاۤ اَنۡ يَّاۡتِيۡنَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوۡهُنَّ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ ۚ فَاِنۡ كَرِهۡتُمُوۡهُنَّ فَعَسٰۤى اَنۡ تَكۡرَهُوۡا شَيۡـئًـا وَّيَجۡعَلَ اللّٰهُ فِيۡهِ خَيۡرًا كَثِيۡرًا ۞
Translation:
"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good."
(Surah An-Nisa, Verse 19)
In this verse, Allah Ta’ala has told men that a wife is an honorable human being like you, not your slave. Humanity and decency demand that she be treated well and her honor and dignity be respected at all times. Treat them well. Even if you do not like them, treat them kindly. Keep them with you; it may be that the one you dislike, Allah has placed much good in for you.
Similarly, the Holy Quran has also stated that a wife has certain rights over her husband, just as a husband has certain rights over his wife. Mentioning this, the Holy Quran states:
وَلَهُنَّ مِثۡلُ الَّذِىۡ عَلَيۡهِنَّ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ ۖ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيۡهِنَّ دَرَجَةٌ ؕ وَاللّٰهُ عَزِيۡزٌ حَكِيۡمٌ۞
Translation:
"And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise."
(Surah Al-Baqarah, Verse 228)
This means that just as the husband has rights over the wife, the wife also has rights over the husband.
The companion of the Messenger of Allah and commentator of the Quran, Abdullah ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with them), said, “I adorn myself for my wife just as she adorns herself for me, because Allah Ta’ala says: (وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِيْ عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوْفِ) And I wish to fulfill all the rights my wife has over me because Allah Ta’ala says: (وَ لِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَۃٌ).”
(Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 4/196, Ibn Jarir 2/453, Sunan al-Bayhaqi 7/295)
The aforementioned verse indicates that the man has some additional rights over the woman, and that is in exchange for his spending on her, his responsibility, and his accountability.
And instead of the husband beating the wife and creating hardship for each other, the Quran says that Allah has placed friendship, love, and mercy between a husband and wife so that they may find tranquility in each other.
وَمِنۡ اٰيٰتِهٖۤ اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِكُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡكُنُوۡۤا اِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُمۡ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحْمَةً ؕ اِنَّ فِىۡ ذٰلِكَ لَاٰيٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ يَّتَفَكَّرُوۡنَ۞
Translation:
"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought."
(Surah Ar-Rum, Verse 21)
Tafsir (Exegesis):
وَمِنْ اٰيٰتِهٖٓ اَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِّنْ اَنْفُسِكُمْ اَزْوَاجًا: That is, among the signs that point to the greatness of Allah Ta’ala and His perfect power is that He created wives for you from among yourselves (not for His own benefit), so that you may find peace and tranquility with them. سَکَنَ عِنْدَہُ means to physically reside with someone, while سَکَنَ إِلَیْہِ means to find spiritual and emotional comfort and tranquility with someone. This is a great sign of Allah Ta’ala that our father Adam (peace be upon him), despite being in Paradise where every blessing was present, only found peace when Allah Ta’ala created his wife and our mother, Hawwa (Eve), from his own being. After Adam (peace be upon him), for the tranquility of his offspring, men and women were made into pairs for each other. It is also His wisdom that a man can only find peace with a woman, and a woman with a man. Therefore, Allah Ta’ala created pairs for them from among themselves. This proves that all those stories mentioning marriage and procreation between humans and jinn are mere fables. It also shows that those monks and ascetics who fight against human nature by cutting off ties with women in search of peace were, and are, gravely mistaken, because the outcome of fighting nature is always defeat. Just as eating when hungry is not a barrier to one’s connection with Allah but a fundamental need for human life, marriage is not a barrier to one’s connection with Allah but a source of tranquility and a fundamental need for humans. The most pious of the children of Adam, the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), said:
حُبِّبَ إِلَيَّ مِنَ الدُّنْیَا النِّسَاءُ وَالطِّیْبُ وَجُعِلَ قُرَّۃُ عَیْنِيْ فِي الصَّلاَۃِ
"From this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and the coolness of my eyes has been placed in prayer."
[An-Nasa’i, Ishrat an-Nisa, Bab Hubb an-Nisa: 3391, from Anas]
وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَّوَدَّةً: That is, along with tranquility in the marital relationship, Allah Ta’ala has placed friendship and love. There are countless love stories famous in the world, and there is much clamor about it everywhere, but the true friendship and love that develops between a husband and wife by the grace of Allah Ta’ala, those entangled in illicit love and forbidden affection cannot even smell its fragrance.
وَّرَحْمَةً: Among the great signs of Allah’s power, along with friendship and love, is the mercy and kindness that Allah Ta’ala has placed between a husband and wife, such that they are extremely kind and merciful to each other in health and youth, as well as in old age and sickness. Whereas the love of lovers and sinners, no matter how passionate, dissipates with the fading of beauty, and its underlying motive is not mercy for the beloved but the fulfillment of one’s own lust and pure selfishness.
Not only in the Quran, but also in the Hadith, the noble Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has commanded kindness towards wives.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised husbands to treat their wives with kindness and respect. In fact, he (peace be upon him) declared the best among people to be the one who is best to his family. He said:
«”خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِی“
“The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.”
(Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Hadith No. 3895)
On another occasion, the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor. And I enjoin you to be good to women, for they are created from a rib, and the most curved part of the rib is its uppermost part. If you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain curved. So I enjoin you to be good to women.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab an-Nikah, Hadith No. 5186)
The Prophet (ﷺ) also said:
لَا يَفْرَكْ مُؤْمِنٌ مُؤْمِنَةً، إِنْ كَرِهَ مِنْهَا خُلُقًا رَضِيَ مِنْهَا آخَرَ» أَوْ قَالَ: «غَيْرَهُ
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
(Sahih Muslim, Kitab ar-Rada’, Bab al-Wasiyyah bin-Nisa, Hadith No. 1469)
This means that if a man dislikes something about his wife, he should not become angry with her; he will find another quality of hers that he likes. It should not be that just by seeing one flaw, he starts hitting or abusing her, or becomes resentful towards her. Rather, he should maintain good conduct with her.
The Prophet (ﷺ) has commanded the husband to treat his wife with kindness and to overlook any habits he dislikes. In short, the husband has been taught to make the journey of life pleasant by ignoring the wife’s faults. However, despite all this, if the wife engages in immorality, spreads indecency, and does not care for her husband’s honor and dignity, then in such a case, she can be struck lightly, but even before that, it is necessary to adopt a few measures.
Observe what Allah says in the Quran:
اَلرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُوۡنَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللّٰهُ بَعۡضَهُمۡ عَلٰى بَعۡضٍ وَّبِمَاۤ اَنۡفَقُوۡا مِنۡ اَمۡوَالِهِمۡ ؕ فَالصّٰلِحٰتُ قٰنِتٰتٌ حٰفِظٰتٌ لِّلۡغَيۡبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللّٰهُ ؕ وَالّٰتِىۡ تَخَافُوۡنَ نُشُوۡزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوۡهُنَّ وَاهۡجُرُوۡهُنَّ فِى الۡمَضَاجِعِ وَاضۡرِبُوۡهُنَّ ۚ فَاِنۡ اَطَعۡنَكُمۡ فَلَا تَبۡغُوۡا عَلَيۡهِنَّ سَبِيۡلًا ؕاِنَّ اللّٰهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيۡرًا ۞
Translation:
"Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand."
(Surah An-Nisa, Verse 34)
In this verse, Allah the Exalted has said regarding a disobedient and immodest wife that if she does not protect your honor and does not obey you, then firstly, advise her. If she does not act on the advice, then separate from her while remaining in the same house and bed so that she may understand. But if she still does not desist from disobedience and indecency, then you may strike her lightly, in a way that does not leave a mark, cause bleeding, or break a bone.
As the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Fear Allah concerning women, for you have taken them in Allah’s trust, and you have made their private parts lawful to you by the word of Allah. You have the right over them that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bedding whom you dislike. If they do that, then strike them, but a strike that is not severe (and never strike the face). And they have the right over you that you should provide for their food and clothing in a reasonable manner.”
(Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Hajj, Bab Hajjat al-Nabi ﷺ)
On the occasion of the Farewell Pilgrimage, the Prophet (ﷺ), after praising and glorifying Allah, admonished: “Beware! I advise you to be good to women, for they are under your care and supervision, but they are not like prisoners in your hands. And you have no authority over them other than to have intercourse with them, unless they commit a clear act of immorality. If they do so, then separate from them in their beds and strike them lightly. Then if they begin to obey you, do not seek ways to harm them. Know that you have rights over your wives and they have rights over you. Your right over them is that they should not allow people whom you dislike to sit on your bedding, nor should they let such people enter your house. And their right over you is that you provide them with the best food and clothing.” (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Abwab ar-Rada’, Bab Ma Ja’a fi Haqq al-Mar’ah ‘ala Zawjiha, Hadith No. 1163)
Hasan al-Basri (may Allah have mercy on him) says that this refers to a strike that does not leave a mark.
Imam Ata (may Allah have mercy on him) said that he asked Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) about the non-severe striking mentioned in the Hadith, and he replied, “Strike with a miswak (a small teeth-cleaning stick) or something similar.”
Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) wrote in his commentary on the Hadith that while there is permission to strike a wife or servant (for a grave mistake), it is better and more virtuous not to strike them.
Mulla Ali al-Qari al-Hanafi (may Allah have mercy on him) wrote that it is better not to strike a wife or servant even for a major mistake. However, for the proper upbringing of disobedient children, it is sometimes appropriate to discipline them physically.
Sheikh Salih al-Munajjid (may Allah preserve him) says, “It should be clear that the purpose of this striking is not to cause pain to the woman or to insult her, but only to make her realize that she is at fault regarding her husband’s rights and that her husband has the right to correct her.” (And Allah knows best).
From the above-mentioned Quranic verses and Hadiths, it becomes clear that in some unavoidable circumstances, when the wife does not listen to advice and showing displeasure has no effect on her, the Shari’ah has permitted a light strike for her reformation, but it has also specified the rules for this striking.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said:
“None of you should flog his wife as he flogs a slave, and then have sexual intercourse with her in the last part of the day.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari, Kitab an-Nikah, Bab Ma Yukrahu min Darb an-Nisa, Hadith 5204)
On another occasion, he (peace and blessings be upon him) said that the right of the wife is that when you eat, you feed her; when you clothe yourself, you clothe her; do not strike her on the face, do not call her ugly, and do not separate from her except within the house.
(Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith No. 2142)
From these sayings of the Prophet (ﷺ), it is clear that in general, hitting wives is not permitted. Rather, beating a wife over small matters or humiliating her is considered reprehensible in Islam. Yes, if it becomes necessary to strike, it should be a light strike that does not cause marks or injury, and never on the face. Therefore, it is not permissible for any man, under any circumstances, to strike a woman on the face; rather, it is a major sin. If a person has struck his wife on the face for any reason, due to it being a violation of the rights of others, he must first resolve the matter with his wife and then seek forgiveness from Allah Ta’ala.
Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) said that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) never struck anyone with his hand, neither a woman nor a servant, except when fighting in the cause of Allah. And when someone harmed him, he never took revenge, unless a command of Allah was violated, in which case he would take revenge for Allah’s sake.
(Sahih Muslim, Kitab al-Fada’il, Bab Muba’adat an-Nabi…)
Let alone beating, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said regarding women riding camels:
“Do not make the camels run fast, meaning go slowly, lest the ‘crystal vessels’ break.”
Here, the Prophet (peace be upon him) used the metaphor of ‘crystal vessels’ (qawarir) for the gentleness of women.
(Sahih al-Bukhari: Hadith No. 6149, 6161)
How can a Shari’ah that uses the term ‘crystal vessels’ for women permit them to be beaten unjustly and subjected to oppression?
Therefore, from the aforementioned Quranic verses and Prophetic Hadiths, it becomes as clear as daylight that to spend the days of life with happiness, love, and affection, both husband and wife must fulfill their respective responsibilities excellently. Certainly, both husband and wife are equal in their humanity, but the Islamic Shari’ah has given the man a degree of superiority to keep the wheel of life moving, meaning the man has leadership, as is agreed upon by the entire Muslim Ummah in light of the Quran and Hadith. In short, the relationship between husband and wife is not that of a ruler and subject or a king and slave; rather, both have their own status and position. It is not permissible for the man to scold or beat his wife over every little thing based on his leadership. The life of the Prophet (ﷺ) is a model for us; he never once struck any of his wives in his entire life. Instead, he repeatedly urged his companions to be gentle with women, to win their hearts, and to show patience and forbearance in the face of any unpleasantness from them.
Yes, if a woman is genuinely disobedient to her husband and the household system is being disrupted due to her disobedience, the Creator of man and woman has presented a solution in the Holy Quran (Surah An-Nisa, 34 & 35). The husband should first try to make his disobedient wife understand. If that does not work, he should leave her alone in the bedchambers, meaning separate her bed. If this also does not lead to reform, he can strike her lightly. However, the Islamic Shari’ah desires that the matter be resolved without resorting to striking, if possible. If the issue is not resolved despite adopting these three measures, Allah Ta’ala has instructed that wise people from both sides should sit together and find a solution. It is better if a solution is found, because the Islamic Shari’ah wants a resolution. But sometimes, reconciliation between the husband and wife becomes difficult, making their life together a torment. In such a situation, ending the marital relationship seems more appropriate for both parties. The Prophet (ﷺ) also gave these teachings, as mentioned with evidence in this article. If the disobedience is from the husband’s side, meaning the husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities properly, every possible effort will be made to make him fulfill his responsibilities. In such a case, the woman has the option of seeking khul’ (a divorce initiated by the wife), but she does not have the right to strike her disobedient husband, as no such teachings are found in the Quran and Hadith.
((And Allah Ta’ala knows best what is correct.))
Reference: https://alfurqan.info/problems/1242
