Building a Strong Islamic Marriage
The True Foundation of Marriage in Islam
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful,
Marriage is one of the most important and sacred institutions in Islam. It is not just a legal contract but a spiritual bond designed to foster love, mercy, and tranquility between spouses. However, the intention behind choosing a spouse often determines the quality and longevity of this bond. The message you shared highlights a deeply rooted issue in our modern times: superficiality in selecting a spouse. May Allah guide us to a deeper understanding of this matter.
The Purpose of Marriage in Islam
Marriage in Islam is not meant to be a means of fulfilling worldly desires alone. It is a partnership for worshipping Allah together, raising righteous offspring, and building a family upon the principles of taqwa (God-consciousness). Allah says in the Qur’an:
“And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)
This verse highlights the true essence of marriage: tranquility, love, and mercy. These qualities are cultivated when the focus of the relationship is on pleasing Allah and supporting each other in goodness.
Superficial Intentions and Their Consequences
In today’s society, many marriages are based on fleeting qualities such as physical appearance or wealth. While these can be factors in choosing a spouse, making them the sole criteria is shortsighted. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So, marry the religious woman, or you will be a loser.” (Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
Similarly, women should prioritize a man’s piety and character over his wealth or social status. When the primary intention is materialistic, the foundation of the marriage becomes unstable.
- Marrying for Beauty
- Physical beauty fades over time, especially after life changes such as aging or pregnancy. If a marriage is based solely on physical attraction, what happens when that fades?
- Beauty should be appreciated, but it must be coupled with good character and piety. A person with a beautiful soul remains beautiful in the eyes of their spouse, regardless of physical changes.
- Marrying for Wealth
- Wealth is not guaranteed. Financial situations can change due to unforeseen circumstances such as job loss, illness, or economic downturns. If wealth is the foundation of the marriage, what will hold it together when that wealth is gone?
- A righteous spouse, on the other hand, will remain steadfast in supporting their partner, whether in times of abundance or hardship.
Character and Piety: The Pillars of a Strong Marriage
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) emphasized the importance of character and religious commitment when selecting a spouse:
“If someone comes to you with a proposal, and you are pleased with his religion and his character, marry him. If you do not, there will be turmoil on the earth and great corruption.” (Jami’ at-Tirmidhi, Hasan)
Character (akhlaq) includes qualities such as patience, kindness, honesty, and respect. A person’s relationship with Allah reflects in their character and treatment of others, especially their spouse.
Building a Marriage for the Hereafter
A true Islamic marriage is one that brings both spouses closer to Allah. It is a partnership in which both individuals encourage and support each other in acts of worship, good deeds, and personal growth. This includes:
- Praying together and for one another.
- Raising children with Islamic values.
- Helping each other in times of weakness.
- Being forgiving and merciful towards one another.
The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) described the best of relationships:
“The best of you are those who are the best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.” (Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Sahih)
Practical Advice for Choosing a Spouse
- Prioritize Deen and Akhlaq: Look for a spouse who is committed to Islam and exhibits good character.
- Consult Allah (Istikhara): Always pray Istikhara and seek Allah’s guidance when making this important decision.
- Seek Wise Counsel: Involve parents or trusted elders in the process, as they can provide valuable advice and insight.
- Be Honest About Intentions: Enter into marriage with sincerity, aiming to build a relationship that pleases Allah.
- Think Long Term: Choose a spouse who will be a partner in both this life and the Hereafter.
A Reminder for All
Marriage is a form of worship when done with the right intentions. Allah will bless a union that is based on taqwa, sincerity, and mutual respect. Let us remind ourselves of the ultimate goal:
“And whatever you do of good – indeed, Allah is Knowing of it.” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:197)
May Allah bless our marriages with love, mercy, and tranquility, and may He guide us all to make choices that lead to success in this life and the Hereafter. Ameen.
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