Embracing Kindness and Understanding in Marital Relationships
INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING WOMEN
ALLĀH says:
"O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit women against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness, that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them, unless they commit a clear immorality (i.e., adultery). And live with them in kindness. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and ALLĀH brings through it a great deal of good." {An-Nisā || Verse 19}Related by Abu Hurairah(may ALLĀH be pleased with him): The Prophet ﷺ said: "A believer must not hate (his wife) believing woman; If he finds something in her character he dislikes, he will be pleased by something else." {Muslim #1469}Jabir ibn Abdullāh (may ALLĀH be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of ALLĀH (ﷺ) said, “Fear ALLĀH regarding women. Verily, you have taken them as a trust from ALLĀH..." {Muslim #1218}Shaykh Ibn Uthaymīn (may ALLĀH have mercy on him) said: "Whenever your wife acts in an unsatisfactory manner, you should not isolate the current error for consideration; rather, you should look at the past, consider the future, and be just in passing judgement." {Sharh Riyadhus-Saliḥeen || 3/147}Ibrahim ibn Salih al Mahmud said: “Brother, do not look for perfection in this universe; but accept what is best! And haven’t you thought about yourself whether you are perfect or not. In reality, we are all in the same position, there is no need to demand perfection from others while we are drowned in our own flaws and shortcomings, seizing the opportunity of the woman’s weakness and need. If we were stronger than her, ALLĀH would be stronger than us.” {How to win your wife’s heart || Page 11}
Perfect spouse is a myth, often seen in novels and movies, but not reflective of real life. Instead of being overly critical of one’s spouse’s imperfections, focusing on their strengths and positive qualities can nurture the relationship. Every individual has flaws, but recognizing the good and expressing gratitude for it strengthens the bond.